Review: 9

I don't know if anyone has actually seen this film, but I sort of randomly found myself going to see this baby. Which is cool and everything (especially since I didn't pay for it), but I'm looking at the movie's box office business and I'm wondering exactly how many people have heard of this thing. So let me briefly describe it to you.

It's CGI.

It has talking rag dolls roaming vast wastelands.

That's all I can think of to describe it. If that doesn't jog your memory, then it's obviously your fault. I mean, come on... it was released on 9/9/09 (get it? Cause the movie's title is "9"?), so obviously it was led by a massively brilliant marketing campaign that you missed out on because you enjoy nature or some BS like that. Spend more time watching TV, for cripes sake.

Anyway, I've got a few things to say:

-It's really nice to see something that isn't 2+ hours long. Seriously, after seeing a bunch of stuff where 140 minutes was the average, it's refreshing to see something that runs at a cool 80 minutes. I mean, I like a long epic when the situation calls for it and everything, but the brisk and economical pace that working with only 80 minutes brings you is nice to see at work from time to time.

-Unfortunately, the 80 minutes this film features are pretty much wasted focusing strongly on visuals. Which are impressive, mind you, but there are several large problems to note about the actual story of the dang thing.

1) There are no personalities in the characters. I mean, you get general sketches of what the characters are supposed to be like-9 is the young and brave one, 6 is the kinda crazy one, 7 is the token girl, etc... but that's pretty much all you get to know about them.

2) I read a review that made the comparison of the film to a video game. Which is quite accurate, as obviously it's main appeal are in the fights with the bad guy and blah blah. But to me it seemed like one of those games in which you had fun while playing it, but then you got to the cut scene. And the cut scenes seem so woefully underdeveloped and uninteresting that you hop onto internet forums to complain about it. And then you go play Metal Gear Solid. Anyway, what would help with these "cut scenes" if there was any sense of humor involved. I mean, I guess since it's a post-apocalyptic world then it wouldn't be fitting to have too much humor, but still... I guess this sort of goes into my next point.

3) (spoilers and such) So these strange rag dolls were created by this one scientist guy as the world was going to s***, and decided that he would insert in all of them the last remaining parts of his "humanity" with a humanity ray or something. Which is all well and good, cause it's a triumph of the human spirit or something-even after the human race has died out! But wait... why would you then make your doll characters so cold and impersonable if they're supposed to possess human qualities? See, this is why perhaps the movie length could have been longer, as they could then focus on the characters, allow them to crack a joke or two (you know, to make them relatable) and then you got yourself a decent flick. If you don't spend time doing that, and then you make a big speech at the end about how the scientist wanted to continue humanity's legacy through these little doll dudes... well, it falls a bit flat, does it not?

It does. I answered my own question there. That's going to be the end of this post because I can't think of any other way to conclude it. Go me.