For some reason I got it into my head that it'd be a great idea for me to listen to all of Weird Al's polka medleys consecutively. Which... you know, aside from the fact that each medley had a bunch of different covers on it, meant that I was listening to essentially the same song for an hour.

Then I got the great idea that I'd put this time to use and try to rank all 11 of his polka medleys. Not that I have any expertise in polka, nor ranking songs that sound pretty much all the same. But what the hey.

(Not included is the song "Polkamon", because it's not actually a medley. But I'd rank it third overall if we were just ranking his "polka" songs.)

I'm going to do this in chronological order, because ranking them right away seems like too much of an effort.

"Polkas On 45"


This is the first polka medley, released on his second album "In 3D." And you'd think it's got a bit of an advantage because it's pretty just straight classic rock songs, instead of the more standard "whatever the hell's popular at the time" medleys. Which... since the songs here are better than pretty much every other medley's collection of songs, means that it has to be one of his better ones. But for some reason his singing here kind of annoys me (at least during the Hey Jude/LA Woman segment), and takes away some of the enjoyment. But the "Hey Joe" portion is pretty great, and he makes the song "Hot Blooded" both more ridiculous and better than the original version. So that's good.

"Hooked On Polkas"


This starts the trend to just basically include whatever's popular at the time. Which shows its problems immediately with "State Of Shock", a song by Mick Jagger and Michael Jackson, a song I'm assuming that's been completely forgotten by time (at least I haven't heard it.) So the 80s' medleys are probably going to have their fair share of dated and obscure songs, this one obviously included. But those songs here actually seem quite catchy and enjoyable (at least in polka medley form, where you can keep the catchy chorus and screw the rest of the song.) Plus Sharp Dressed Man here is aces. 99 Luftballons could have been a lot longer, though. I mean, the song's in German... it could have been its own song.

"Polka Party"


The only polka medley to lend its title to the album as well! Which I suppose is important... unfortunately, the songs are more obscure than the previous one, and unlike the last one none of them seem interesting enough for me to track them down to hear the original. Plus, it seems as if some of the songs I do know aren't translated very well into polka form (Rock Me Amadeus, I'm looking at you.) Highlights: Say You, Say Me by Lionel Richie, and Shout by Tears For Fears. Everything else I could do without.

"Hot Rocks Polka"


OK, so the last one wasn't so hot. But this one... well, I considered it for a while to be my favorite Weird Al song (might still be, but I'm not going to try and debate that right now.) Anyway, this is the only polka to only be dedicated to the songs of one artist (Bohemian Polka is a little different) as this features nothing but Rolling Stones songs. Now, I like the Rolling Stones... so I like this song. If you're not keen on them... I'm not assuming you'll be enthused with this one. But nonetheless, it seems like a much more focused and consistent medley, as instead of jumping from ZZ Top to Tina Turner, you've got one consistent sound throughout. Also, the segue from the last line of Ruby Tuesday to Miss You is quite inspired. Otherwise, everything is a highlight... but again, I like the Rolling Stones, so...

"Polka Your Eyes Out"


(forgive the poor editing on the video... I can't be bothered to find another video of this song.)

We're back to songs that are obviously dated to their time. Which *would* be a mark against the song... if the songs weren't just completely ridiculous. Pump Up The Jam? Unbelievable? Cherry Pie? I Touch Myself? Ice Ice Baby? What the hell were people thinking? In any case, they're all kind of stupid enough to lend themselves really well to polka versions (and Cherry Pie has what I believe to be the greatest polka drum solo in it... although granted the number of polka drum solos I can think of is limited to one). Also, most of these songs feature pretty explicit sexual overtones. So if you're ever thinking that a polka medley might get you in the mood... this is the one.

"Bohemian Polka"


OK. So TECHNICALLY, this isn't actually a medley... but it's listed in the Wikipedia article of Weird Al medleys, and Wikipedia of course can never lie. So there. Anyway... it's pretty clear that this is the first full-song polka cover for Weird Al, and like the Rolling Stones, it works because it has a consistent theme throughout. Here, it takes the bombastic operatics of the original song and wringing out its inherent ridiculousness. Especially love the way he makes the "mama, just killed a man" portion out to be the most comical moment of the song. In terms of execution, this is probably Weird Al at his best and his most inspired. But... I like the Rolling Stones more than Queen, so I'm probably always going to slightly prefer that one.

"Alternative Polka"


So it's another assembly of popular songs at the time, but it works *extremely* well. This is because the whole set is devoted to the Alternative music that was popular at the time (well... sort of, as this includes Sheryl Crow for some reason... but we'll be forgiving), and gives the whole thing another consistent theme. This time, it's taking the angst and gloom of alternative and juxtaposing it with its complete opposite in polka (although... again, Sheryl Crow really isn't all that angsty, but we're still forgiving.) It picks the perfect song to start off with in Beck's Loser, is great and disturbing with NIN's Closer... and well, it's all pretty good. Except Sheryl Crow. But that's OK!

"Polka Power"


This might be a little biased, since for better or worse these are the songs that were popular when I was growing up. No concept here (just the usual collecting of popular songs), but at least I know all the songs, which is the first for a random assortment medley since the first one, most likely. I don't know if it's really great, since most of the songs are kind of terrible. But since most of these medleys are just time capsules of what's popular at the time--and this is the one that matches up to my formative years, I feel like it's my duty to at least somewhat like this one.

"Angry White Boy Polka"


So this is the follow-up of sorts to Alternative Polka, in that most of the selections are of the angst and brooding sort. But instead of the alternative stuff, we're mostly treated to the nu-metal of Staind, Limp Bizkit and others. So... it's not as good, to say the least. I mean, if you're starting off your medley with Papa Roach... that's not a good sign. At the very least, though... Weird Al seems to pull out some musical value out of most of these songs. And Chop Suey at least lends itself very well to polka form.

"Polkarama"


This is where it sort of goes off the deep end. It starts with the Chicken Dance, Let's Get It Started, and ends with a bunch of songs I've never heard. So in essence, Top 40's relative crappiness has caught up with Al. It also shoehorns a couple of indie songs into it, which I supposed is welcome, but then you get songs like Feel Good Inc. followed by the Pussycat Dolls. What the hell? Anyway, it's not his best... and I guess you can blame it on Top 40. But I think if there was ever a time to come up with small concepts for these medleys, it'd be now... so maybe he's just phoning it in or something.

"Polka Face"


I suppose changing the lyrics of Poker Face is kind of amusing, and that Tik Tok lends itself pretty well to polka form. But it's more in the vein of the last medley, which is not a good sign. And apparently pop music has come to the point where the choruses consist of simply repeating the title of song over and over again (main offenders: Womanizer, Baby, Replay, Down, Break Your Heart). Also included is a cover version of the song "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" (which might be the best pure cheesy 80's pop song I can think of), which somehow makes me yearn for the pop music of the 80's. And I might not have told you this, but I've always considered the 80's to be the worst decade in terms of music. Am I wrong? Are we now living through the worst period?

God. Now I'm a little depressed.

Anyway, here's the rankings.

1. Hot Rocks Polka
2. Bohemian Polka
3. Alternative Polka
4. Polka Your Eyes Out
5. Hooked On Polkas
6. Polkas On 45
7. Angry White Boy Polka
8. Polka Power
9. Polka Party
10. Polkarama
11. Polka Face

I guess you can switch it around if you're more into Queen than the Rolling Stones. Or if you're into 00's pop... I guess you could just reverse the order of the list. Or just make your own.