Saturday, October 31, 2009

A quick one

I haven't been able to write, since I've been working all the time and that pretty much kills all inspiration to write.

I also don't have anything to say... since I've been working all the time and that pretty much kills any interest I might derive in anything.

So I am just going to say that this review of the new Boondock Saints sequel makes me really, really happy. Mainly because it equates its cult to Scientology. It's funny, you see. Cause Boondock Saints sucks... and Scientology is not really well liked and such.


Also, I hate the Yankees.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Random thoughts:

-So... I was watching Army Of Darkness last night. It was my first time ever seeing it, actually. I fell asleep halfway through it because my brothers and I started it late, but man... I can't imagine any male watching the film and thinking that Ash is not the biggest badass ever filmed on screen. It's not that he's particularly strong or fearless... I mean, part of the coolness factor is that he wields around a gun in a medieval period... but he has pretty much some of the best one-liners in the world. Everyone would wish to sound as cool rattling off lines like he does.

So yeah. It was enjoyable. One problem was that there was a scene in which I was pretty sure a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle made a cameo appearance, but I went straight to the internet only to find out it was just a dude in a costume with a helmet sort of reptilian. That really sucked.

-I don't know if I wrote it down here or if I just told someone this, but I said that I wouldn't watch a World Series with the Yankees in it. Mainly this was due to the fact that I wouldn't be able to bear with the way the media would portray it--"redemption at last"... "nine years of struggle finally over"--you know, things you would never say about THE MOST EVIL AND UNLIKABLE TEAM OF ALL TIME.

Well, I might break my little World Series embargo if the Phillies do as well as they did last night. You know how sweet it would be to see the Phillies close the series out in Game 4 or 5, watching the Yankees flame out in misery as this beautiful postseason run suddenly turns grey? It would be sweet, I'm telling you.

Of course, if MLB has any say, I'd imagine that they'd try to extend the series as much as possible. You know, like how they wanted the Yankees to win game 2 against the Twins, so they called the obviously fair Mauer double foul?


-My "leagues are trying to fix games" conspiracy meter is way high, though, because I just got done reading this article on excerpts from NBA referee fixer Tim Donaghy's upcoming book (which apparently is also cancelled because the NBA doesn't like to be accused of manipulating games, for some reason).

Now, my second reaction to this is that I should be upset with how a league is pretty much fixing a sport against the wishes of all its fans. Because it is a little sketchy, and I'm still bitter about some certain calls in a Game 4 between the Lakers and the Wolves in 2004 that seemed obviously slanted towards the Lakers. But my first reaction is this: "holy f***ing balls, this is awesome."

I wrote a few weeks ago about how I still derive enjoyment out of pro wrestling. Well... this is sort of the same thing. There's a lot of angles in wrestling where the popular guy gets "screwed" by the evil boss in an important match, and they're always sort of silly, yet sort of entertaining. AND THIS IS THE REAL LIFE COUNTERPART. Sure, seeing the Lakers favored in EVERY SERIES undoubtedly sucks, but I'm going to rest easy knowing there's an evil corporation behind all of it, rather than a few refs unwittingly giving calls to the Lakers.

-While I'm on the topic of sports... Timberwolves! 1 and 0! 81 more games until we post the first undefeated regular season in NBA history!

(OK, so I try not to be a huge sports person, but in my lifetime various sports teams/figures have captured my love. Peterson/Vikings have my love right now, but at other times I've loved Santana and the 04-06 Twins, the crapload of players called up for the Twins in 99 till 2003, Moss and the Vikings 98-01, and definitely Garnett and the Wolves from 95-05. They've sucked the last few years, but I always have a soft spot for the T'Wolves. And I think we're actually going to surprise a bit this year, since we have general competence in our leaders while maintaining about the same amount of talent. But we'll see.)

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

"Workin' in a supermarket just like a mule"

In the spirit of the fact that "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" is on tonight, and since everyone is going to be watching it (or at least they should all be watching it), I am going to do another Peanuts-centric post. Then maybe another one once "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" is done. That post will probably look like "that was great... why didn't you watch it?" And then I'll cry.

Here are some reviews of some Peanuts episodes I've seen in the past few days, with links that'll allow you to watch them! Cool, huh? Well... sort of. The one that I used to watch the second one isn't working anymore, but I posted the link to it anyway.

Charlie Brown's All Stars

This episode is actually the 2nd Peanuts one ever made, right after "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and right before "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." It's also a pretty cruel episode, based around the fact that Charlie Brown's team hates him and how terrible he is at baseball. In all honesty, though... the game they show where they lose by 100+ seems to indicate that he just has crappy defense, rather than himself being amazingly incompetent. I mean, it looked apparent that he was a fly ball pitcher (at least for that day), and Lucy and Freida--while playing the outfield--aren't really even trying.

PLUS, when there's a pop up in between centerfield and short, where Linus and Lucy are ranging, they expect Charlie Brown--ALL THE WAY FROM THE PITCHER'S MOUND--to catch the f'n ball. Of course he drops it, you morons. If a dude is expected to be Superman and do crap he shouldn't be doing, he's going to end up failing. Thus it makes sense that Charlie Brown would try to steal home with their best batter coming up later on in the episode... if his mode of thinking is such that he perceives that everyone thinks he must win the game for the team, of course he's going to try to steal home. I'm trying to think of a real-life sports equivalent to this, but it'd be sort of like a basketball player trying to do everything because the rest of his team doesn't give a crap. Something like that.

Objectively, this probably isn't the best episode, since it does paint the ladies as relentlessly cruel (especially in comparison to the guys, who are equally as cruel in this episode--although in the comic strip they are much more friendly so it makes sense, I suppose), but it's got the sentimental value going for it, along with the cool jazz soundtrack. I think Vince Guaraldi increases my appreciation of the specials much greater than any other soundtrack might, and it always gets me to the point where I decide that I'm going to try to listen to more jazz. It never works out. But the moments in which I'm digging the laid back score from this are always nice.

There's No Time For Love, Charlie Brown

This one was my favorite growing up... and still might be as well. This is the one that we had a VHS copy of, and while we had a videotaped copy of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" (and eventually... once Nickelodeon started showing Peanuts reruns, we had most of them... this wasn't for a while, though), you could only watch that one or two months out of the year. This you could watch whenever.

It's got kind of a loose plot, based around school and Charlie Brown's anxieties over a paper he has to write, along with a subplot about his relationship with Peppermint Patty. However, it's the scene where they go into the supermarket thinking that it is the art museum that wins me over. I mean, I was like six or so when I first watched this. And seeing the possibility of getting a good grade by writing a report on your trip to the art museum when you mistakenly went to the grocery store... well, it BLEW MY MIND. It introduced me to the world of BS, where you don't actually need to know what you're saying, but rather you just need to say it in an interesting way.

Could it be that this little special (which was produced in 1973 right before "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving", if I remember correctly) made me who I am today? I am going to say most definitely. Even though it's probably not true at all.

And in case you REALLY want to watch this episode... you can watch the first half in Japanese on YouTube.

It's not that hard to figure out what's going on.

Sunday, October 25, 2009


This isn't about the Vikings game, because I didn't watch the last two hours of it due to work. Which is probably a good thing, since it sounded like an absolutely terrible one where I would have tried to punch the TV screen after seeing Childress not go for the touchdown to make it 14-13.

This is about HOT FANTASY TIPS, where you get THE INSIDE SCOOP on games next week. These are EXCLUSIVE and SURE TO HELP YOUR FANTASY TEAM win.

Here's my update: Percy Harvin returned a kickoff for a touchdown. Last time he did that was against the 49ers. The connection between those two games is that I worked both days, conflicting with the game.

I have to work next week when the Vikings play the Packers.

Thus, Percy Harvin is probably going to return a kick for a touchdown next week.

So yeah. That's my tip.

I'm not actually a big fan of fantasy football. I was invited to a few leagues back in August, and made a big deal about fantasy football "ruins the game" and makes you cheer for the player and not the jersey. Which I think is all legit, because I'd rather have teams that I like win/teams that I hate lose + mass chaos elsewhere, rather than following Tom Brady and hoping he throws the TD to Moss since you've got both on your team. I really did have a distaste for it. I didn't play it for 5 years.

After making all that big fuss, though... I decided to sign up for a team on Yahoo just to see if I still hated it.

Being the only unbeaten team in your league sometimes makes things a bit more fun.

I have the chance to go 7-0 right now, and I'm currently winning... all I need is for one guy not to go completely crazy, and perhaps pick up a few more points from my two players playing right now/my tight end playing tomorrow. So it's actually kind of cool now, and I sort of see it just as a silly little strategy game that takes a bit of competence and a bit more luck to do well at. And it makes Sundays a bit more interesting.

If... you know, your whole life revolves around it, then that's a bit pathetic, but hey. You have your hobbies, and I have mine, I suppose.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

One day it'll be revealed that playing football damages your brain terribly.

So I've never EVER played football outside of some pick up games. And even I know that on a blocked kick, the ball is still live until it crosses the line of scrimmage. Kind of an obscure rule, but you know... if you've watch football for any prolonged period of time, you should have stumbled upon the rule.

Also, NO ONE ON THE FIELD REALIZED THIS WAS STILL LIVE, until a manic coach got the attention of the player. Also also, I'm not sure about this, but I think this is college ball.

Maybe the entire team had a collective head-on collision that left them weary the entire game...

Review: Jimmy John's Day Old Bread

The best.

Story: so I had a late lunch this afternoon, which is OK because I woke up late and everything. I was planning to go to work without any food, and I would eat during my break whatever I could find there. Only tonight was swamped. And when my break cam around, the line was so long that if I were to get anything it would have lasted the entire duration of my break. SO. I went hungry.

After work, though... I ran off to my favorite Jimmy John's in the world. Not that this Jimmy John's is better or different than any other Jimmy John's out there. The only thing is that I came in once near closing hours, and I got a loaf of bread and a soft drink for free. It was cool.

Anyway, tonight I bought TWO loaves of day old bread, and a soda, all for about $2.50. I was feeling kind of extravagant afterwards. So much so that I ignored the weird guy standing outside who may/may not have been homeless and may/may not have been wanting to ask me for stuff. I was feeling too good and selfish and such. Also, the guy seemed amazingly spaced out, so I was assuming any contact with him would lead him to follow me all the way home.

The loaves of bread are about $0.50 a piece. The bread is probably the best thing about Jimmy John's. All their sandwiches features a way too liberal amount of mayo, and mayo's not my favorite. I used to pretend to be a good consumer and actually buy an actual lunch, so I'd buy a Roast Beef Slim, which is just roast beef and bread... along with my purchase of the day old loaf. But no longer. Now I'm near broke, and I'm just going to get the bread.

And they are about 500 calories (according to a calorie website that I assume is legit and what not), so I can totally keep my slender frame and all that crap. So essentially there is no wrong with this bread. Perhaps all these years you have been looking for perfection, and you just never thought to look at Jimmy John's. Well, now that you have learned your mistakes, you must go, my boy. Jimmy John's longs for you.

(Note: Jimmy John's bread isn't THAT great. But it tastes pretty good, and it tastes pretty amazing when all you've had is a can of ravioli for lunch.)

For f***s sake...

So when I go in to type the title of the post, you're supposed to just type. And not do any fancy stuff. Like hit enter.

I accidentally hit enter, and then it decided to post the entire thing... sans any content, but instead just the title. It was kind of stupid on my part, but NO MATTER! Cause I wouldn't happen again.

I made a quick edit so there wouldn't just be a title with no content, and then began to write again. But then I had to type in the title again. So I did. And of course, I remembered that I am not supposed to hit enter while typing the title, because of course I'd have to be stupid to make that same mistake again.

But intelligence is such an overrated quality anyway, so I just went ahead and hit enter again. Yeah! Totally showed everyone there... or something...

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Playing Abbey Road

Apparently, the album Abbey Road was released for download on The Beatles: Rock Band. It was released two days ago, to be exact. I felt like I should have heard about it so I could get myself either properly excited or talk myself out of buying, but I didn't. I felt terrible for my ignorance, and I apologized to my copy of Beatles: Rock Band for my neglect.

To alleviate my guilt I decided to buy the album. Which worked, as I no longer felt like a ignorant consumer, and instead made me feel like a really stupid consumer. Cause I've never ever felt the need to pretend play "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" with a plastic video game controller shaped like a guitar. Then again, I had leftover Microsoft Points, and spending fake money is better than spending actual money... so there you go.

I gave the entire album a quick run through with my guitar. The first half was kind of stilted by the fact that most of the songs that had already been on the game were located there. But that medley at the end? Yeah, that's pretty awesome.

It actually kind of reinforced the idea that I've always shared about the album: that it's a tired and weary effort by a bunch of guys who have grown to dislike each other, somewhat saved by some great songwriting that shines through periodically, and then redeemed by a medley that inexplicably works. Really, if "Golden Slumbers" was developed any longer into a "fuller" song, but combined with "Carry That Weight" it just gels together perfectly. It was their one last great bit of inspiration, and one that gives off a similar vibe to the more optimistic Rubber Soul era, even if a bit more weathered.

Also, it took me until now, but I never considered "You Never Give Me Your Money" part of the medley, since it was such an awesome and fully developed song and everything. But then I realized how much of "Carry That Weight" was quoting it. Woops.

Also also, playing through the entire album on guitar is very tiring on the fingers.

Also also also... I tried really hard to think of a better title, but I couldn't. I'd feel so much better about my entries if they all didn't have such crappy titles...

An explanation of the Slash-o-meter...

I have made the conscious effort with this little old blog not to assign any sort of number or letter to anything that I try to "review". Cause... you know, the whole system is arbitrary and hole-ridden, and I'd really rather not try to explain why Casablanca has a lower score than Cloverfield (actually, I would... but it'd be needlessly difficult and everyone would hold me in lower regard than they already do). Plus, it's been a standard arguing point that the lack of a score actually forces the reader to read what you're actually saying instead of jumping down to see the star rating so you an immediately start complaining.

Well, now I've decided to screw all that, and put everything on a 1-10 scale. The change in heart comes down to two reasons:

1) It's fun to be arbitrary anyway.
2) No one reads this. So... you know, no harm in having a number overshadow everything else if nothing has a shadow in the first place.

I would, however, like to explain exactly how I rate things, because although it's a silly and arbitrary exercise, my scale has actually been something that I've been crafting very carefully over the years. Which sounds kind of pretentious and everything, but it's a system that actually works pretty well for me. So allow me to indulge myself. Just this once. Please.

1) I rate pretty closely to a 4-star scale... with 8 being the equivalent to **** and being something I'd term "great." 9s and 10s I never use until proper perspective has arrived, and it is determined whether the (film/album/whatever) actually resonates as something I truly admire. So... yeah. There are about 6 films I would say I'd give a 10 out of 10, and I try to keep the number of "perfect" scores to a minimum, so if something else warrants the score, something else might get bumped off.

2) Some supposed classics might get a 2 or a 5 or any number that might make people question whether I truly "get it" or not. This can be explained by the fact that I try to make full use of the 1-10, and that I try not to (watch/listen to/etc) stuff that I know will be bad and unenjoyable. So some movies get lowered down because I feel like it. So there you go.

3) On top of that... say I give Star Wars and From Justin To Kelly the same score. Would this mean that I think that both films are equal in value, that Star Wars is not in fact the "better" of the two and that George Lucas is not more gifted than whoever made From Justin To Kelly? No. It just means that I think Star Wars is kind of fun but not amazingly interesting, and From Justin To Kelly painfully terrible but loaded with uintentional humor... and in the process they even out in terms of enjoyment value. It probably doesn't make sense, but really... no one cares.

4) I try not to rate anything as a "3". Don't ask me why I avoid this and if I have any particular reason, I just do.

5) I'm giving it a name, and it's called the "Slash-o-meter." It is pronounced "slash-oh-meet -ehr". I am doing this because I can.

Essentially, what I am trying to say is that I rate things in a pointless, unreasonable... yet carefully defined manner. And that it only makes sense to me. Which is OK, because I am my only demographic. So yeah! Let's toss out ratings for the hell of it!

Dark Knight - 4
Matrix - 2
Fight Club - 2
Cool Runnings - 8
Lawrence of Arabia - 4
Armageddon - 9
Godfather - 2
Godfather Part II - 4
Marley And Me - 7

(Note: none of those rankings are accurate. Except a few of them...)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

OK, so I want this for Christmas

and... this:

(Note: the larger size of the second picture does not indicate a much greater desire for the second collection, but rather indicates my inability/laziness to size properly.)

I've been sort of on a Peanuts binge as of late. Actually I haven't, but I've been thinking about it a lot. Cause you see, it's almost Halloween time, which is not one of my favorite holidays, but you know... candy is cool and what not. However, I thought it would be a proper time to celebrate the holiday to watch "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". Great idea, right?

Well, I have to wait until it comes on the air (apparently the 27th on ABC?), cause my copy of it has gone missing.

This pisses me off royally, because I should be more caring of such important discs, and I've been searching for it left and right. All these efforts have yielded no fruit, however. So I've been gawking at Peanuts stuff lately. The place I work at has a copy for sale, but it's too much and I can't justify buying it when I can watch it later next week. I gawk at the Peanuts stuff at Target, which has the Great Pumpkin disc at the same price. Also have the Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas 3-pack, which I would pick up in an instant, but I already have the other two holiday specials.

And then I saw the 60's collection DVD, and told myself that I wanted this. Of course, I'm broke, so I can't spend much now, but then in the spirit of the holidays, I remembered that some people might want to get me something around the time of this one holiday...

So here I am, stating that I want these collections. And because I know I'll probably forget about it 2 months from now, when I actually get around to making a Christmas list for my family, I'm writing it here in the hopes that I'll browse through my archives in December and recall this.

Yep. You just got an inside look of how I decide what's worth writing about.

UPDATE: So I totally just found the "Great Pumpkin" online... as well as "Charlie Brown's All Stars", and "There's No Time For Love, Charlie Brown" (which is my favorite... for a really long story that no one will be interested in because no one has ever heard of it).

I think I'm going to hold off on "It's The Great Pumpkin" just in case I can catch it in a week, but the other two? Now's a good time.

This might be my last post EVER

Well, probably not.

But usually I write these things in the evening. Well... sometimes, but not always. What's important is that I was planning to write something in the evening the past two nights, but failed. Because I went to sleep before I could write.

As in, I went to sleep around 8 PM on Monday, and then 6 PM on Tuesday.

As in, this never happens, since I have been a night owl my entire life up to now, when that label I suppose no longer has any weight applied to me.

As in, my very nature is completely shifting, and I am now assuming everything that once was will no longer be the same.

I'm probably at some point going to give up everything and be Amish while living in the city, and try to convert everyone I know to the simpler way of life. I'll probably also knit.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Game completely detrimental to my health part II:

There is this game that Sara introduced to me late Saturday night. It's called Picma, and imagine Sudoku that ends up becoming a picture of something at the end instead of a collection of numbers.

That is all I have to say about it, really. EXCEPT...

-This game, which I had started playing Saturday night, kept me up till about 5:30 AM. Which isn't necessarily unfamiliar territory for me, but after an exhausting day at work and after a week in which it felt like I needed about 3 more hours of sleep per night than I actually got? Probably not the best idea in the world. Then I got a good 3 hours of sleep, before some loud pounding outside woke me up.

I then fell asleep around 10 PM last night.

-It might end up producing some unhealthy competition between Sara and I. I don't know how far into the game when she told me about it, but a while after I started I had finished more puzzles than her. She seemed kind of disappointed when she realized it, and I tried to seem as humble as possible and not seem like it's a big deal... but deep down I was sort of proud. And now I'm kind of hoping that by tonight I'll have completed every single puzzle just so I can ensure victory. And then I'll wash the dishes faster than she will, and I will drink four glasses of water before she even finishes her first.

OK, so maybe I'm the only one who is obsessing over competition here. But it's nice to win, cause I always assume that I'm an idiot and can't do anything right.

-I have an itinerary of things to do for today.

Nothing is going to get done, however, since this will consume everything.

Oh well.

Sunday, October 18, 2009









Friday, October 16, 2009

Little nugget that interests me...

Oh, and I am going to post a little bit of information about plans by the Flaming Lips to release a cover album of The Dark Side Of The Moon. Just a couple of thoughts:

1) Normally, I wouldn't be too thrilled with the idea of listening to something like this, since the idea of covering an entire album seems to be... well, kind of a stupid idea. However, all of a sudden the Flaming Lips can do little wrong, so this might turn out to be... interesting? Decent? Maybe? (Oh, and about their latest album... it's good, not totally in love with it yet, but I'll post a review of it when I digest it a little more/suddenly become motivated.)

2) Then again, it's Dark Side Of The Moon, which is sort of overrated outside of Wizard Of Oz purposes. I mean, some of their songs are pretty awesome, and some of it is just bland as hell. "Time" and "Great Gig In The Sky" = great. "Us And Them" and "Any Colour You Like" = not so great.

3) I think Beck did a cover album of The Velvet Underground And Nico, which makes me wonder... is it better for one to cover an album that one doesn't like, or that one holds dear? Cause I pretty much hate VU & Nico outside of "Sunday Morning," but since Beck's OK... I might like it better? On the other hand, if Beck did a cover album of say--Another Green World by Brian Eno, I'd be more inclined to listen to it, but there'd be a higher probability of it inspiring massive hatred.

iPod Update:

Reports of the iPod's demise has been greatly exaggerated.

Of course, I was the only one exaggerating. But still! On the off chance that you read my last entry... and on the off chance that after reading said entry, you felt extreme remorse over the iPod's impending demise, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC NEWS FOR YOU.

As it turns out, it only runs out of battery if I play around with it a lot. As in, instead of listening to Radiohead's Amnesiac, I listen to "Like Spinning Plates," then jump to "2+2=5" on Hail To The Thief, then jump to whatever other Radiohead song I feel like playing.

Which is sort of a bummer, since sometimes I like just browsing through songs and listening to stuff that comforts me, but right now I'm listening to all of Tindersticks' albums, and it's a treat (for the record, Tindersticks = a top five favorite band, and their self titled debut = a top five favorite album).

So yeah. Not a huge crisis or anything like that. However, wanna know what is a huge crisis? The place I'm living at has heating that is apparently crazy expensive, and the people who lived there last December had a heating bill of $180. AAACK!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Now I know how it feels when someone's grandma goes into hospice care


Why do things always break down precisely at the wrong time?

Well, not that it has broken down yet or anything, but my formerly reliable ol' iPod is starting to show its wear... by playing for about 30 minutes before running out of battery. Which is annoying, because my bus ride/walk to work lasts about 40 minutes.

And I actually know why things always break down at the wrong time. Basically, that rhetorical question up there was completely useless. I'm sorry about that.


So you know... instead of breaking down a year ago when I still labored under the delusion that I had reasonable income, it breaks down now... when I'm slowly but surely going broke. The consumer gods know I'm trying to be reasonably frugal. And they hate it. And they know how dependent I am on this stupid piece of plastic, so they hit me where it hurts to tempt me into buying a replacement. And it's working.

Not that I'm going to get one... but I'm looking at prices, which is the first step. All are unreasonably steep... well, at least the ones that I'd like. If I'm going to get a replacement iPod, I don't want to get a temp one only to upgrade down the road... might as well get what I want when I can get it. Unfortunately, the ones that hold more than 30 gigs are f'n expensive.

So basically, what's going to happen is that I'll hold out on buying an iPod, and feel pretty good about myself for resisting the temptation. And then RIGHT AT A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS, I'm going to see it on sale and buy it, despite the fact that I probably won't be able to afford it. I am about 96% sure this will happen. Somebody needs to stop me.

Not that anyone reads this anyway. Oh well. So I'll be begging on the streets in a few months' time.

Oh man...

Normally I don't like to eulogize celebrities too much, because we tend to romanticize the person way too much and obsess over the person to the point where we forget that the celebrity is just a human, dying like thousands of other people out there.

(All this means is that I won't be seeing "This Is It" when it comes to theaters. Sorry Michael.)

But this kind of sucks, as Captain Lou Albano died today.

Of course he was an aweseom wrestling manager, as well as the fictional father to Cyndi Lauper and a music sensation as the singer of the hit "Captain Lou's History of Music". But of course, this is what he should really be remembered for:

I have the Super Mario Bros Super Show DVD at my place right now. I think I need to watch it tonight.

Monday, October 12, 2009


So my brothers are watching WWE Raw right now, and since I am in the same room I am watching it as well.

Confession time: 10 years ago I was really huge into wrestling.

And to a smaller extent, I still am. I don't know if that means I lose all my cool points. Or like half my cool points. Did I ever have any cool points to begin with?

Anyway, it gets a bad rep because it's sort of stupid and silly and trashy and what not. Which are a lot of the reasons why I still enjoy it. I mean, it's basically pure camp, as these people do the most asinine things in the world and get away with it because it's operating in it's own little subset of popular culture. Like, ref gets distracted, bad guy hits good guy with chair, ref doesn't notice a thing even though it made a huge crashing noise, bad guy wins. It doesn't make sense, but you don't care since everything else is just as silly. So as long as you don't take anything seriously, then it can be somewhat enjoyable.

So I'm watching it now, because I'm trying to do stuff with my brothers and all that jazz. I don't know what I'm going to do with this... mainly complain that it isn't as good as my heyday (which was in 1997-1998, for the record.)

They're doing a bunch of stuff with wrestlers that were still around back then, though. Chris Jericho, Triple H, and The Big Show are all out in the ring, arguing about the next PPV... and Bob Barker and Shaq. Now, I have to say that Chris Jericho was one of my favorites back in the day... he was the "heel", but he was so awesome as this whiny, egotistical prick. Like this video, in which he's in a fued with Dean Malenko, the "Man of 1,000 Holds," trying to one up him by claiming to be the "Man of 1,004 Holds" and PROVING IT!

Well, I like it.

There's this gal with a gimmick that she's also a pop singer... and is terrible at it. Anyway, she won a title, and then celebrated by singing to everyone and getting booed like crazy. And then she lost. It was pretty cool.

Everyone else seems kind of generic, though. I think it's because the WWE is more of a corporation rather than crazy travelling circus, so they have to run everything through some "make-this-acceptable-for-our-stockholders" filters, which is kind of unfortunate, because stockholders are boring and would never approve of a dancing fat guy whose finisher is to stick his behind into other people's faces.

People wrestled. Some guys even wrestled TWICE! Wow, what a treat. Except that they really didn't seem all that interesting other than being generically good or evil.

So yeah.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Oh no.

Oh God no.


So the Yankees won, just like everyone was expecting, and now the Twins are done and all that crap.

Of course, a bit of disappointment is evident... not that we lost, since I was expecting to lose, and everything after the game on Tuesday was just icing on the cake, but that we HAD to lost against the Yankees yet again.

Two questions, though.

1) Why would anyone like the Yankees?

I mean, I used to think that anyone who never lived inside New York and liked the Yankees were the only jerkoff Yankees fans. But now I'm thinking that even those inside NY that cheer for the Yankees must be miserable people. The past three games I've been in awe of how character-less the team is. They're just a bunch of clean-cut millionaires, reliant on power... and they're a bunch of soulless douchebags. It's boring as hell, quite frankly. Sure, they win... and you always want to see your team win. But the point of being a fan of a team is to suffer along with them for that one moment in which they finally win it all. If your suffering is rooted in the fact that your team hasn't won the World Series in 9 years... well, it really isn't the same, is it?

It's not really all that exciting, either. Same big, rich team makes postseason after postseason. Who the f*** cares. I'm probably not going to watch any other game in the playoffs, because it's just going to be the Yankees winning. Now, the Rays last year? That was exciting, since it was unexpected as the Rays had sucked for so long. The Red Sox in 2004? Exciting, because they were down 3-0, and had 80 years of history weighing against them. Watching the Yankeeswin their first World Series in 9 f***ing long years? Exciting... if you're from New York or are a lazy member of the media.

Anyway. I think next year, alongside cheering for the Twins and what not, I'm going to root as hard as I can for the Pittsburgh Pirates. Cause MLB is telling me I should be excited about a Yankees/Dodgers World Series, and I honestly think watching a perennially bad baseball team would be more enjoyable and rewarding than whatever these playoffs will produce.

Review: Drag Me To Hell

I actually watched this a few days ago. Got my hands on the DVD that is supposed to be released this Tuesday. The DVD (at least the rental version) is very bare bones. Something like a production gallery being the only special feature, which I suppose is due to a desire to get this out before Halloween and such. Or maybe they just hate you.

Also, I've got to say that I'm really not much of a horror fan. Which meant that this wasn't going to be my favorite movie ever. Nonetheless, if given a choice between horror films, I'd much rather take a gross, campy one with a strange oral fixation over anything that's "creepy" or "scary" or whatever the studios would call the crappy Last House On The Lefts of the world. Thankfully, Drag Me To Hell fits firmly into the former category.

What I liked about this was that the main lady (I think her name was Christine) was believable enough that you sort of wanted her to survive... while at the same time deserving the suffering that she goes through. Sure, she's a nice country gal, having to deal with a cutthroat coworker in their quest to get some sort of promotion... and she just happens to get cursed because she denies a bank loan to a crazy lady who has already taken out two loans. At the same time... she could have given the lady the loan and was lying to everyone about her ability to avoid the situation, and then when the lady begs her on her knees, she backs away from her and calls for security. What a jerkoff, right? It was actually kind of fun, surprisingly... not knowing whether or not to cheer for the character to survive or die. In the end I was pleased, to say little about it.

Of course, there's little attention given to the plot (and for good reason). And so there's some awesome scenes involving dead corpses, animals going in and out of the mouth, and a hilarious episode involving a cat(!!!). Of course, some parts dragged a little bit more than others, so the ratio of cool scenes to boring scenes were unfortunately close to even.

I've seen a lot of people complain about the ending, which doesn't make sense to me. Going back to Zombieland (which... as you can see, I saw & wrote about yesterday), the climax of the little cameo we get is COMPLETELY predictable... but it's still awesome because it's such a cool idea. With Drag Me To Hell... you could see the end coming, but it was executed with such a nice punch that I didn't really mind. (I'm trying really hard not to give anything away, for the record.) Everything seems to be certain for our main lady, then BAM! plot twist. BAM! her fortune is reversed. BAM! title card. BAM! movie over.

Basically, it was pretty cool and over the top, so screw unpredictability.

For the record...

The Vikings are going to get KILLED next week against Baltimore.

Well, maybe not *killed*. But something like 27-14, in which we hang around but get thoroughly dominated. Mainly because the Ravens will need the game a whole hell of a lot more than the Vikings will need the game. Plus, the Vikings have played NOBODY. Three of the worst teams in the league, and two teams in which the jury is still out on (49ers, Packers).

Plus, our win today was more indicative of the absolute ineptitude of the Rams rather than any sort of dominance on our part. They had about 28 points they could have scored, but turned the ball over in the red zone like they picked the Vikings to cover the spread.

Also, a bunch of streams are getting killed just as they are about to finish. I hate you, NFL. (While still watching your product on a weekly basis.)

Review: Zombieland

It is about 2:30 AM as I start to write this. I mention this because this means that what I'd have to say would be pretty lackluster, since I should be sleeping and such. Also, I haven't read any reviews for the movie, which means that I don't have anything good to steal from.

By that... of course, I mean that by not reading the reviews, I don't know what's been covered ad nauseum at this point, thus not making this review as fresh and interesting as it could possibly be.

Anyway. I'm just going to say the obvious: it's a fun little movie. Woody Harrelson is fun. Jesse Eisenberg is properly dorky. The cameo is pretty f'n cool (but could have been cooler! But alas, I don't want to talk about it because for some reason I'm feeling anti-spoiler at the moment. Even though I'll give away other inessential parts about the movie.) It's a fun little romp that has fun with the whole zombie genre, which is good, you know?

Some weird things about this movie:

-I saw the writers to this movie were Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, which for some reason I recognized. Then all of a sudden it hit me that they were the writers (creators?) of The Joe Schmo Show, which a) was a show I stumbled upon and loved back in the day, b) despite its seemingly mean-spirited premise, had probably the most forgiving and kind editing in the history of reality TV (which, since reality TV is all about editing and making people out to be larger-than-life characters, is quite refreshing), and c) featured Kristen Wiig before she landed on SNL. So the fact that they were behind this made me want to like the movie A LOT.

-Unfortunately, there are a few problems I had with it. One of the ways we are introduced to the main character is by these rules he lives by in a post-apocalyptic zombie world. These serve to show what it takes to survive, how neurotic our main character is, and to provide a humorous call back when one of the rules comes into play again. However, these rules are conveyed with this blocky, part-on-the-action text that is kind of distracting, and seems sort of in bad taste. And plus, whenever a rule came into play again, the blocky text would show up... which would AGAIN remind me how ugly it is while pissing me off for being kind of unnecessary. Not a HUGE deal, but kind of distracting.

-What's great about movies like this is that they are endearingly stupid. They know that you're showing up to see a bunch of zombies get killed in humorous ways, so they don't have much of a plot. Which is good because usually if films like this focus too much on plot and character development, neither the story nor the carnage come off particularly well. For the most part the carnage here is fun and well executed, but the character development? Eh. They had the obligatory romance and all, which is fine, but they were trying too hard in getting us involved with the romance. Dude, I just want to see zombies get crushed by a roller coaster. I understand the need for a bit of romance and such, but still.

This reminds me why I like Snakes On A Plane so much. The first 20 minutes or so is a bunch of back story, crappy character development, etc. And then, when the snakes show up... all that character development gets thrown out the window so they can bring you all the action. And then, *just* right before the movie ends, they get back to the story. It sort of feels like a nod to me, saying that they realize the need for a bit of character back story and such, but know that you just want to see snakes bite peoples' dicks, so they intentionally make the back stories as half assed as possible. I like that.

-Also, there was sort of a theme of "shedding a bit of your inner nerdness and getting out and enjoying life." Which is cool and everything, but sort of weird since the whole movie felt like a videogame.


So yeah. It was entertaining. Plus, it was short. Good 80 minute popcorn flicks are always a welcome treat in my book.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Well fudge.

1) Carlos Gomez and Delmon Young can go f*** themselves. One for being a crappy baserunner and the other for getting on my nerves.

2) The Mauer double in the 11th was so much not foul that it strikes me as a conspiracy against the Twins by the MLB, since... you know... can't have TWINS/Red Sox, since that would be SOOOOO boring havinga David/Goliath matchup. (Goliath/Goliath is where it's at, apparently.)

3) Mark Teixiera can most certainly go f*** himself. I hope one day he realizes what a soulless jackass he is, and decides the best way to go out is to drown in all that money he's making.

4) A-Rod hates happiness, sunshine, goodwill, cheer, and all that is holy and good with this world.

5) Nathan = secret long time Yankees fan?

6) I hate everything.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Let's do this again.

I'm a superstitious person when it comes to my favorite teams.

So... since the Twins won last night, I'm going to do everything in my power to recreate yesterday as humanly possible. So let's get on with the pregame gibberish, shall we?

Game is today, Twins are going to get crushed, blah blah blah, not really all that exciting and stuff... here's why we're going to lose and why I'm not excited etc. etc.

1) Yankees are the worst.

2) Yankees are evil.

3) Twins pitching will suck.


I'll update when the game starts/I find a good stream/Yankees jump out to an early lead/I decide that I need to leave and or stop updating when the Twins still aren't getting any hits. And so on.

Update 1: One of my favorite nicknames... not sure where it comes from, is C.C. "need-Sabathia". Get it. It's funny. I mention this because I hate him and he's making the Twins look silly.

Update 2: So you know when Chip Carey called Nick Punto's flyout to left field in the 10th last night a "base hit"? Well, he almost did it again... he was only able to get out the "base" before realizing he's kind of a moron. Also, if the Yankees get nothing in this inning....

Fudge. I hope you die one day Jeter.

Update 3: ACK! My stream just went out!

Well, this sucks. Although maybe this will bring them better luck... although probably not...

Update 4: Three things.

1) Damnit!
2) Damnit!
3) A-Rod, if you ever felt the urge to just... drop off the face of the earth, DO NOT RESIST.

I'm going to stop writing now.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


So here's the thing. I'm not a diehard sports fan by any means, as I find the idea of putting all of your hopes and fears into a bunch of jerseys to be kind of silly. On the other hand, I don't know how you can not at some level derive some enjoyment out of it, since at its best it can be as tense, thrilling and dramatic as anything you might see on film or whatever.

I don't know why I'm saying this instead of... you know, wailing my arms around like crazy because my team won. What I guess I'm trying to say is that the game... well, it had me biting my nails after initially being lukewarm about the entire game, and it could have had anyone on the edge of my seat...

What I'm really trying to say is this: HOLY S*** WHAT A GAME.

The game pretty much had everything, including the "get the last two outs of the inning with the bases loaded" last inning (which was amazing, as was the double play in the 9th). Had a few bad plays, which may take away from its "classic" status, but whatever... misplays always make for no drama.

Of course, they're going to get killed by the Yankees. But for now, there's just this small glimmer of hope that this momentum will carry over at least the next few games.

Hey... another game at the Dome...

So the Twins are playing another game 163 this afternoon. I'm trying hard to get excited. I'm trying really hard.

Normally, baseball's up there in terms of fanaticism with football. Well... at least with the Twins and everything. Not that I have ludicrous amounts of zeal for any one team... but still. I love the Twins. However, I'm feeling a lack of "spirit" or whatever you'd call it for today's game. I've got the reasons right here:

1) Last year's extra game against the White Sox SUCKED. Not only were the White Sox immensely more unlikable, but the ONLY score had to be a home run by THE guy who's been the biggest pain in the Twins' side for years (Thome.) So I'm sort of assuming the worst for this game... just cause that last extra game stung so much. Make a lot of sense? Probably not.

2) I haven't really followed them much this year. Probably due to the fact that a) can't really watch them, b) the pitching was beyond awful for first month or so... which sort of turned me off. I always sort of assumed they'd be contending come September, but it seems that this game is more of "the Tigers sucked down the stretch" rather than "Twins are getting hot at the right time".

3) So in theory, I don't like the Tigers. But it seems like a pity to bring more misery upon a city, you know? Then again, if my city was collectively on suicide watch, I'd rather be done in by the little budget team rather than the Yankees...

4) The Yankees, Part 1. As in, if the Twins win and get into the playoffs, we are going to get swept.

5) The Yankees, Part 2. As in, I hate the Yankees. Thus, any season in which the World Series seems predetermined to go to them... any bit of enthusiasm I have for the baseball season is crushed. Basically, I hate seeing how the structure of the MLB allows for zero parity and that the Yankees and Red Sox will always be up there and contending. Honestly, I have no hope for the Twins winning the dang thing... so all my hopes will be placed in the Cardinals and the Rockies to somewhat make up for the YANKEES/RED SOX machine that will inevitably clog up the playoffs and make life miserable.

I'll probably update throughout the game if I feel like it.

UPDATE 1: Took me all of 2 seconds to find a decent stream of the game. Of course, this is a pretty major baseball game, and games like Lions/Vikings don't really make anyone outside Minneapolis/Detroit excited, but still.

UPDATE 2: So... uhh... maybe Mauer can hit three home runs and Cuddyer can pitch in one or two... cause this pitcher has made everyone else look a little bit silly thus far.

UPDATE 3: 3-0 Tigers. That sucked.

UPDATE 4: Damnit! I mean, we got a run, but still... damnit!

UPDATE 5: OK, so this pitcher needs to stop doing so well, if for the very fact that the announcers keep announcing him as 20 years old, which makes me feel like a lazy underachiever. It hurts, dude. Make it stop.

UPDATE 6: Going over to Sara's quickly. I am hoping that the inning or two that I'll miss will be ones that I'll regret missing and such.

My guess is that it'll still be 3-1 when I get over there.


OK, so The Beatles: Rock Band= pretty sweet. The original Rock Band & Rock Band 2 = still pretty good. However, any other incarnation of the game never really interested me, since it seems like it'd be bordering on overkill. So unfortunately, Rock Band Unplugged will not be on my Christmas list, and Lego Rock Band is just a ridiculous concept that seems t...

*reads article*

David Bowie? As a Lego?



So basically, if David Bowie were to allow his likeness to be in Rock Bad 3 or something like that, I'd be something like "eh, cool." But DAVID BOWIE AS A LEGO??? BECAUSE WHAT THE HELL?!?! GREATEST IDEA.

It also says that the song "Let's Dance" appears in the game, which wastes the great potential the game to include a Ziggy Stardust-esque mini game or something. But still.

Monday, October 5, 2009


So, the Vikings won. Which is cool.


I have this urge to counterbalance the hyperbole surrounding everything regarding the Vikings right now. I mean, the hysteria surrounding the attention Favre is getting is at an all time high, and the hysteria surrounding the backlash of the hysteria surrounding Favre is even higher. And me being the contrarian-to-a-fault that I am, my natural reaction to all of this in the wake of a HUGE GAME against our BIGGEST RIVAL is pretty much to look around and say "whatever."

Of course, I'm still writing about the game, but that's because I have nothing else to talk about. But the Vikings aren't that good. I think a lot of people are going to be declaring us contenders in the NFC, which is going to drive me mad (I always prefer to have people undervalue my teams...), but really we still haven't played anyone yet that really proves we belong.

Browns: suck.

Lions: suck.

49ers: looking good so far, but their wins have been against the NFC West, which is most likely the weakest division in the league by a wide margin. (of course, you could say that the Cardinals weren't really all that good and benefiting from a crappy conference last year, but still.)

Packers? Well, they're 2-2. A lot of people like them, but no matter the fact that they always remain close and what not... they still went 6-10 last year. Plus, they couldn't protect their QB worth s***, which is probably a combination of injuries and general suckiness.

So I remain unconvinced for now. I think we top the division (cause I'm thinking the Bears kind of secretly suck right now), but bow out to the Giants, Eagles, or Saints in the 2nd round. Which makes us a *little* bit better than last year, but not really. Plus, Ravens/Steelers in a few weeks will be a tough one two punch. And then we're going to get killed in Green Bay.

No way Favre walks out of there feeling OK.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

So yeah.

So I saw A Serious Man today (and I also found out it was in limited release today... which is cool, because I feel like I have to wait around for films in "limited releases), and it's still chewing around in the back of my head.

If I were to write a "review" of it, it'd probably boil down to these four short sentences:

It's dark. It's funny. It's the Coens. It's awesome.

There's something lurking underneath that I really can't quite put my finger on, however. The tone of the movie seems unrelentingly bleak, with the overall theme of it being that " bad s*** happens, and when that boils over, even worse s*** happens." It also seems to posit that there are no answers out there and the cruelty of life is pretty much unexplainable. Yet for some reason I can't help but be oddly comforted by all this.

I'm working out the thoughts right now. A lot of this has to do with how... decent the main character (Larry Gopnik) seems to be. I know that the Coens are Atheist and everything, but the way Larry struggles with these large spiritual questions suggests the Coens have a ton of empathy for him. This guy has his life pretty much fall apart, and he thinks "well, there must be a reason that this is all happening at once." And... I mean, the way the Coens manipulate certain things as they occur (spoilers, but the mirror car scenes is what I'm thinking of), you wouldn't blame anyone for thinking something must be behind this.

I don't know. It's sort of like this to me: it's maddening as crap (and perhaps pointless) to try to figure out the answers to these huge, weighty questions... but it also seems like the easy way to simply say "there are none." And perhaps that's what the film concludes, but even as things loom even bleaker for Larry, I'm not sure if he never stops looking. And good for him, I suppose.

Hopefully at least part of that makes the slightest bit of sense.

Friday, October 2, 2009

DVD Review: Anvil! The Story Of Anvil

Hey! I got my hands on this DVD before it hits the market! That makes me pretty dang special, does it not? (Answer: no, it does not.)

Anyway, for starters, I am going to just say that this film is strongly, strongly recommended. If you love metal, rock and roll, or just music in general, this film will give you a humorous yet sobering look at the world of musicians giving their all to be "rock stars." Even if you hate metal or rock... well, you'll probably think the guys in the film are idiots for chasing such an elusive dream, but MAYBE, JUST MAYBE... you'll fall for these guys, who in their quest for stardom do so with a quiet, honest humility.

However, the main demographic that needs to see this film are those who profess to love the film "This Is Spinal Tap."

I was told by someone (can't really remember now who it was, but it was someone, I'll tell you that) that this film was "like Spinal Tap, except real." And really, it can't be summed up any better. To list a number of similarities: both capture bands on the tail end of their career trying to milk whatever fame they might still have left in them, both get embroiled in disastrous gigs where either no one shows up or they seem horribly out of place, both end the movie in Japan... heck, the lead singer (named Lips) even quotes the famous "hello Cleveland!" line halfway through the movie. Really, it's as if the main goal through this film was to make a real-life companion piece to the fictional Spinal Tap.

And it works, for the most part. Yet there are a few key differences, one being that the guys in Anvil could never be mistaken for the prissy, spaced-out rock stars of Spinal Tap. The other difference is that in Spinal Tap, it's easy to laugh, since the characters are essentially just cartoons. Which is true for Anvil for a while, but then Anvil takes a sobering turn halfway through the movie, when you realize that these aren't just goofs chasing after a bit of fame, they're normal people chasing a glamorous dream, even with little hope at succeeding. So at some point before the film's short 80 minutes are over, you'll be hoping that somehow, despite the odds against them, they'll find a way to quit their crappy catering job and, you know... rock out for a living.

It's also interesting to see how against the loud, prima donna rock star stereotype these guys are. Which might even be a reason for the lack of success they found, as they seem too unassuming and kind to ever take advantage of anyone for the benefit of their own careers. I guess it's sort of a moot point now, since the film itself has brought Anvil into a bit of the spotlight, but hopefully now that they've grabbed a bit of that success, they possess the power to perhaps even maintain some of it instead of falling into complete obscurity once again.

-Deleted scenes! There's about three of them, totalling up to be 12 minutes in length. They're much appreciated, since they flush out the story a little more (including a scene visiting the band's former members).
-Commentary by the director and Lips and Robb Reiner (the drummer): Also enjoyable, and gives off an even stronger impression of just how normal these musicians seem, since they seem clearly surprised and humbled by the experience the film has delivered them. Unfortunately, sounding like normal people means that you don't sound like seasoned commentary vets, and thusly you don't have much to say. So the director talks all the time. Fortunately, since he was a former roadie for Anvil, there's still some cool stories to hear.
-A 30 minute interview with Lars Ulrich. If for some reason you're really big on listening to the drummer of Metallica talk about one band for 30 minutes, then you'll probably want to buy this. If not, then good for you.
-A video from the last concert in the film, with the director of the film filling in for drums. Which is cool and all, but after listening to him talk endlessly about everything... you kind of start to picture him as sort of a self-important blowhard. Which may or may not be fair. But still.


This is kind of a boring post, but I haven't written in two days and I feel the need to throw off something in an effort to make myself feel better, but Pitchfork did the whole "best albums of decade" thing this week, and the top 20 was revealed today.

NOW. I was fearing for the worst, anticipating that something would go terribly, terribly wrong... such as Merriweather Post Pavillion for some UNGODLY REASON placing #1. I was convinced of it. I really was. If not #1, then #2, or #3. I was going to make a huge complaint about the entire thing, and cast myself as the ultimate outsider, the one who believes the record will be regarded as inessential in a few years time (like it should be now... but maybe I'm just weird). It was going to be great... I was going to taking on the world, and I was going to win (in my own mind, at least.)

Then the album showed up at #14. Which to me, is an admission of "OK, we like it, but we don't want to overrate it considering how we don't know how it'll age." Which is totally OK with me.

It's actually a pretty conservative list, as 9 of the 10 appear from the first half of the decade, all except Person Pitch (which is the precursor to Merriweather Post Pavillion, I guess... but a little more likable because it's less annoying).

HEY! My own top 10, because I feel like it, even though the decade isn't over yet (and I'm doubting that someone like the Flaming Lips will release anything good enough.)

1) Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun (if you're going to be weird and say it was released in 2000)
2) The National - Alligator
3) Radiohead - Amnesiac
4) The National - Boxer
5) Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
6) Radiohead - In Rainbows
7) Wolf Parade - Apologies To The Queen Mary
8) LCD Soundsystem - Sound Of Silver
9) Muse - Origin Of Symmetry
10) Sigur Ros - ( )
11) Radiohead - Kid A (if #1 came out in 1999, according to you.)

Boring, but you know.