Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Review: 9

I don't know if anyone has actually seen this film, but I sort of randomly found myself going to see this baby. Which is cool and everything (especially since I didn't pay for it), but I'm looking at the movie's box office business and I'm wondering exactly how many people have heard of this thing. So let me briefly describe it to you.

It's CGI.

It has talking rag dolls roaming vast wastelands.

That's all I can think of to describe it. If that doesn't jog your memory, then it's obviously your fault. I mean, come on... it was released on 9/9/09 (get it? Cause the movie's title is "9"?), so obviously it was led by a massively brilliant marketing campaign that you missed out on because you enjoy nature or some BS like that. Spend more time watching TV, for cripes sake.

Anyway, I've got a few things to say:

-It's really nice to see something that isn't 2+ hours long. Seriously, after seeing a bunch of stuff where 140 minutes was the average, it's refreshing to see something that runs at a cool 80 minutes. I mean, I like a long epic when the situation calls for it and everything, but the brisk and economical pace that working with only 80 minutes brings you is nice to see at work from time to time.

-Unfortunately, the 80 minutes this film features are pretty much wasted focusing strongly on visuals. Which are impressive, mind you, but there are several large problems to note about the actual story of the dang thing.

1) There are no personalities in the characters. I mean, you get general sketches of what the characters are supposed to be like-9 is the young and brave one, 6 is the kinda crazy one, 7 is the token girl, etc... but that's pretty much all you get to know about them.

2) I read a review that made the comparison of the film to a video game. Which is quite accurate, as obviously it's main appeal are in the fights with the bad guy and blah blah. But to me it seemed like one of those games in which you had fun while playing it, but then you got to the cut scene. And the cut scenes seem so woefully underdeveloped and uninteresting that you hop onto internet forums to complain about it. And then you go play Metal Gear Solid. Anyway, what would help with these "cut scenes" if there was any sense of humor involved. I mean, I guess since it's a post-apocalyptic world then it wouldn't be fitting to have too much humor, but still... I guess this sort of goes into my next point.

3) (spoilers and such) So these strange rag dolls were created by this one scientist guy as the world was going to s***, and decided that he would insert in all of them the last remaining parts of his "humanity" with a humanity ray or something. Which is all well and good, cause it's a triumph of the human spirit or something-even after the human race has died out! But wait... why would you then make your doll characters so cold and impersonable if they're supposed to possess human qualities? See, this is why perhaps the movie length could have been longer, as they could then focus on the characters, allow them to crack a joke or two (you know, to make them relatable) and then you got yourself a decent flick. If you don't spend time doing that, and then you make a big speech at the end about how the scientist wanted to continue humanity's legacy through these little doll dudes... well, it falls a bit flat, does it not?

It does. I answered my own question there. That's going to be the end of this post because I can't think of any other way to conclude it. Go me.

Monday, September 28, 2009

So much for productivity...

I was going to write about a few things tonight.

But then I saw that Sporcle is now allowing for user contributed games, which means that I HAVE A LOT MORE GAMES TO PLAY NOW. Basically, my night is gone. And my week. And my (etc. etc.)

I even made my own one. It's not that good, but it was the sort of quiz that I was sort of hoping for from the site, so I went ahead and made it. Whatever.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Favre fellatio

So I couldn't watch the game today. Or, more specifically, I couldn't watch the last 3 quarters. I've seen highlights, though. We're 3-0, which is nice, although it wasn't the whipping I was hoping from the game today. Oh well, save it for next week...

On one hand... Favre is the hero. Which completely blows. And now we have to put up with a nauseating week of stories about how the ole' gunslinger still has it and gosh golly maybe I'm just glad he came to grace us with his presence one last time after all.


One might not expect sports to inspire certain moral dilemmas in the fan like what this is doing. But I must tell you, it's a whole lot of fun.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


You know how sports team like to color coordinate with the mascot they're named after? Like the Cardinals (NFL and MLB), both have a shade of red as their primary color. Or the Orioles, who go with black and orange as to mimic the bird.

And then there's really stupid teams like the Toronto Blue Jays, who (at least for a few years) had their primary colors being black and grey?

Well, I'm watching the Minnesota/Northwestern game (been pretty good... although we're going to lose in the last 10 seconds like we always do to Northwestern), and the Golden Gophers are wearing all white. The only "gold" is the small M on their maroon helmet and as a pencil thin outline around their numbers.

This really rankles me. (Although it looks like we're going to win, so that's good.)

They need to go with one of these looks in this picture:

I even like the all yellow/gold, although I'm in the SMALL minority in that one. In any case, none of this conservative white s***.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

More movies:

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1995)

I just thought of putting the release year in parantheses after the movie title. What a neat idea, right? Well... OK, so it isn't, but the REALLY COOL novel idea I'm going to incorporate with the release years is that I don't actually know the release years of these movies at all! I'm just guessing! Isn't that awesome!?!!

(I'm going to count this as my first journalistic innovation. It is what I hope to be a first of many.)

I thought it would be hard to be disappointed by what would most certainly amount to a glorified TV episode, but here I am... kinda disappointed. This is for a few simple reasons. 1) The movie "This Island Earth", really isn't all that terrible, or really all that conducive to humorous, sarcastic quips. 2) It's 75 minutes long. And 3) (this is the major one) I enjoyed the between movie clips much more than I expected... which sort of made me wish they had skipped the whole "make fun of bad movie" part of the film and instead make a straight homage to all the terrible movies that they have endured throughout the years. Like the scene in which they use the Manos hands to remove the Hubble space telescope. It was both cheesy, fun, and a perfect reference to one of their more infamous episodes. You could make a nice 80 minute movie out of that.

After Hours (1985)

I watched this a week or two ago, so it's not nearly as fresh on my mind as the above one (which I finished watching about 30 minutes ago), and I was going to write about it as soon as I watched it, but didn't for a variety of reasons (all of them pretty much boiling down to "I'm lazy"). Anyway, what I was going to say back then was "Dang, I need to watch a lot more Scorsese." Cause this movie was good, you see. It's kind of a simple plot... boring office worker decides to do something different and travel downtown to hang with this girl he met, only to have that go terribly wrong, and after that sees his entire night take a surreal downward spiral after multiple failed attempts to return to the comforts of home. It's executed *so* nicely, though... with that vivacious Scorsese visual flair (ack, what a mouthful) in full swing, and plus, it's funny to boot. There's this one moment (I don't know if you'll ever see it, but in case you do, I won't say what it is), in which something ridiculous happens and the main character essentially turns to us to perfectly sum up the entire movie... it's so wonderful, and probably one of my more favorite comedic scenes I can think of.

As far as Scorsese comedies go, The King Of Comedy is slightly better, but you know. This was a nice, unexpected surprise. Also, it reinforced the idea that I pretty much need to see everything that Scorsese has made. You know how it is... you want to see the best of the best, and only the stuff that you love will prompt you into exploring the (band, director, author, etc)'s more minor works. I watched this (what seems to be considered a minor work for the man) expecting nothing, and now I've got about three Scorsese films that I plan on watching this weekend (Aviator, Casino, and New York, New York), and two more I could easily fire up on Netflix's Watch Instantly.

I was going to write about more stuff that I've seen, but I have one that I'd really like to write about, but I don't think I have the mental capacity right now to do it justice. So I'm just going to not write about it at all. That's the logical way out, I'd say.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Review: Sunday School Musical

Yes, I am going to review a movie none of you have heard of and will most likely never see. Get over it.

So a friend had me over to watch this a few nights ago, as we both share somewhat of an affinity for bad movies. And I was told that this was made by the same company that made film Snakes On A Train. Now, I haven't seen that movie, but I am assuming that as a copy/parody/whatever of the underappreciated Snakes On A Plane, the way it tried to draw people in was to ramp up the raunchiness factor... that meaning more blood, more sex, more snakes on genitalia. Which might have been an erroneous assumption on my part, but this was what I was thinking nonetheless. So when I heard about this film, I thought it would have been pretty much like my vision of what Snakes On A Train was like: as in, a copy/parody/whatever of High School Musical.... except, you know, more blood, sex, and snakes on genitalia (well... more sex, mainly). I mean, that's a reasonable assumption anyway, right? Low budget production needs something to reel the people in with, so why not put in some sex? Plus, what could make a low budget film any more ripe for crazy Hollywood erotic hijinks than including Sunday school in the picture?

Well, as it turns out, the only thing that would prevent this from being a bad teenage sex romp is a production company called "Faith Films." So yeah... this instead was a bad film that would actually be fit to show in a Sunday school to 7 year olds. Which is OK, I suppose... it just was different from what I was expecting.

Of course, going into the film with that mindset made this film seem a lot dirtier than it probably was. The main result of this was that you sensed this weird sexual tension between the preacher dad and the clean cut daughter. It didn't help that it took its cue from The Graduate and had the difference in age between the dad and daughter seem to be about 8 years or so.

Alas, that daughter has bigger fish to fry... as she obviously had her sights set on getting involved in the TAMEST ON-SCREEN ROMANCE IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA. See, the guy she falls for is the leader of the rival Sunday school choir... except he then has to join the gal's choir when his mother loses her job and has to move in with her sister. So how do they fall for each other? Well... you really can't be sure, because the filmmakers don't want ANYTHING resembling lust. So basically they just smile a lot... not necessarily at each other, but you know... they smile. Oh, and I think they bond over their own struggles, as her mother died recently and his family's poor, except that's bulls*** because aside from her mother she has the f'ing perfect life with an apparently rich as crap pastor dad and popularity and success inside the school. And if I were a city kid that had to move in with my aunt due to money troubles, I definitely wouldn't be hanging with a gal that pretty much epitomizes middle class suburbia. But whatever. At the end, you're pretty much not sure if there's supposed to be a relationship that finally blossoms in the end, so when they do kiss, you're sort of left thinking "oh... right, yeah" while sort of secretly wondering what her Dad thinks of it.

Oh, and it's not even much of a kiss either. It's sort of a light and quick peck. Which sort of adds to the humorous ambivalence surrounding the whole thing. And there's a review on IMDB that actually expresses OUTRAGE over the "immoral" kiss at the end. This... the most inconsequential and tame kiss one can put on film. What?

Anyway. It's good if you like High School Musical, but would like it to be less catchy and more embedded with morals and positive messages and all that crap. I don't, and I'm guessing you don't... so enjoy it for what it is: a movie where white kids learn how to breakdance just by watching the urban city kids do it, and where the only unlikable character (who is also ambiguously gay) goes from dancing and singing with the main characters to yelling at them for ruining things right as the song ends.

So this is what I'd call a love/hate type relationship here...

The Eyeballing Game.

Some of you out there may have already heard about this little game. (If you haven't seen this... familiarize yourself first, come back, then read the rest of this. I apologize in advance.) Some of you may have even introduced me to the game (hey Sara). The purpose of this post, however, is not to raise the general awareness of this game. The purpose of this post is to fully reveal how this game is slowly beginning to consume my life.

It's a hard game to master. When I first began to play this, I was absolutely terrible, scoring in the 6 or so range. That has narrowed down to a typical 3.5 average, which is something decent, but I find myself wanting more. There's this need to be the best, a desire to at least be number one on the past 500 games chart that is going to keep me playing until I achieve that. I don't know if that is ever going to be the case (since you could easily break out a protractor and cheat to get a good score), but it's going to keep me trying. And trying. And trying. I've been as high as 4th, but it JUST AIN'T ENOUGH.

This isn't the only reason that I keep playing, however.


(I know you don't really care and everything, but pretend to have some sympathy for me. Just this once.)

1) The thing that keeps track of your scores is labeled as "your inaccuracies by category." To me, it makes the game sound like a condescending prick. So I keep playing to prove it wrong (since, you know... proving someone wrong is much more fun when that someone is a condescending prick). The only problem with this is that sometimes I score pretty badly, and the scores become hard to look at. Which means then that the condescending prick is proven right, which makes it seem all the more condescending, and all the more prick-ier. So it's a double edged sword... with extra edge on the bad side.

2) So there is an actual point to the game, as it is apparently a tool designed to make woodworkers or construction workers more capable in making sound geometrical measurements. Which is cool and all, but when I play the game and totally suck, I think to myself "man, I would suck at woodworking." So at a point in my life where I am obsessing over the fact that I don't exactly know what I want to do for the rest of my life, the game makes me feel incompetent while also limiting my future job prospects.

Of course, the optimistic flip side to that is that while it whittles my potential list of careers down, it also would make the decision easier as I have less options to worry about. But that's really stupid.

3) The scoring system is such that the top ten scores are listed to the right of the game, but they only list the best from the last 500 games played.

So you know how people from really popular reality TV shows enjoy their 15 minutes of fame for a while, and then start to lose their grasp on that little piece of fame, prompting them to try to milk whatever fame they have left by appearing in commercials, game shows, more reality shows, etc. in a way to make them look desperate? Well, now I know how they feel.

Like, right now... I'm in the top ten twice... in 3rd & 5th. That's pretty cool and everything, right? But what about in another 500 games or so? I'll be gone. I'll be a nobody again. Nobody will love me and nobody will think I'm good at anything.


So congrats to the person who made this. Not only have you made the most addicting game on the internet, but you have also managed to make a game that has tapped into my insecurities, forcing me to keep attempting to improve my scores in an effort to raise my feeble confidence up.

I don't know how you did that, or if you're proud of this fact... but you did. So there you go.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Minute Maid Cherry Limeade: An Appreciation

So I told my gal that I needed to get some juice for this dinner thing we were going to be attending later on in the evening, and she took it upon herself to purchase some juice herself. Which was mighty cool of her.

Anyway, she pretty much went above and beyond my initial expectations by purchasing, perhaps, the greatest product in the fine, illustrious history of the prestigious Minute Maid company. The product is called Cherry Limeade.

Here is a picture of it, so you can start the process of falling in love a little bit early.

It's a beauty, ain't it?

Anyway, it tastes pretty good. I had some last night, and then I bought another carton, and had some tonight. And it was still good.

And that was pretty much it.








I sort of just ran out of steam quickly, didn't I?

In other news, I have a toothache, and it pretty much makes life a living hell.

It doesn't, really. But it's unpleasant.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Adventures in finding a good Vikings stream:

Hey. I didn't write for a few days. That's because I didn't feel like it. Deal with it.

Anyway, I don't have any type of TV reception at my place, which means that in order to watch the Vikings game, I had to do one of two things: 1) find a place that would show the game... like a bar (ew), or 2) try as hard as possible to find a good online stream.

Now, for the life of me I can't really understand why networks don't have their own high quality streams for use. From what I understand, revenue comes mostly from ad sales, right? And I'm still going to be seeing the same ads online that I would on television, right? So why haven't a bunch of networks begun to do this? Screw the cable and satellite companies, there's probably a way to make money by having quality streams on the networks' websites.

Anyway, the NCAA does it every March for the tournament, and I know it's massively popular and probably a good moneymaker for CBS/NCAA, so it has some semblance of a good idea.

Which makes finding a good stream for the game even more infuriating... simply because they don't really exist.

I started out with a stream that came in a few seconds after the game had started... except that the audio to the game was instead tuned to a highlights show for the English Premier League. Once it finally got the correct audio working... it gave out. I then jumped to another stream, which was the "put camera in front of TV" variety. It gave out within a minute. Then for the rest of the 1st half, nothing.


I have a collection of websites that theoretically offer links to all NFL streams, but for some reason the Vikings game was always the one missing. There's a few working streams now, but it's halftime now, so there really isn't much to see.

I would like to complain about how incompetent the whole world is for not having the game up for the entire game, but it's really not anyone's fault other than the NFL for wanting to charge a probably exorbitant amount for internet streams through DirecTV or something. I mean, at some point, in the future... free (or at least cheap) high quality streams will be set up by a bunch of the networks. Or at least that's what I'd assume (since the internet is replacing just about everything else nowadays). The NFL might as well just jump a few years ahead of the game and give me the f'n Vikings game right now. Aaack.

Hopefully the Vikings take control of the game now.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Muse--The Resistance

I've probably mentioned this a couple of times before, but Muse is one of those bands that is a guilty pleasure for me. Except that I don't feel guilty about it at all... even though I think I should. Most of my love is for the band's Origin Of Symmetry release, which just has solid track after solid track, but the two albums following it have had their highlights as well.

I am also going to mention that I've always imagined that if I were a closing pitcher, or a champion boxer or wrestler or something... that I'd come out to "New Born". Not just because it has a dark piano intro, but because they transition so nicely from that into Muse's typically bombastic and crazy yet awesome and loud rock sound.

Since they're going more towards an orchestrated-pop-with-a-bit-of-electronica route, their ability to rock out like crazy is pretty much downplayed on this latest album. Even the leadoff track "Uprising" (which is one of the few here that actually feels guitar-oriented) feels sort of neutered. "Unnatural Selection" is certainly loud and fast (apart from that middle section which slows it down for a bit), but it lacks that extra punch that their better numbers have.

So what I'm saying is that I hate this.

Well, I really can't say that I hate it, since I'm currently listening to it for the second time. But honestly, I don't think there's really much here that could even rank up there with their best stuff. The problem is that nothing is really catchy. I mean, even if it isn't bombastic, loud, and played and crazy virtuosity, the band can still pull out something embarrasingly catchy like "Starlight". Here, nothing jumped out and grabbed me, outside of "United States of Eurasia," which everyone hates because it's a Queen ripoff. But it's kind of catchy... and somewhat interesting. That's good, right?

"Resistance" and "Undisclosed Desires" are both kind of awkward (with "Resistance" actively trying to cause pain with the "it could be wrong" chorus and a bass line that sounds strangely off). Since that's two of the first three songs here, that's not a good start. Then we get stuff like "Guiding Light" and "I Belong To You/*French stuff I can't be bothered to copy and paste*", which all sound somewhat embarrasing (the latter is this bouncy piano driven number, with a melody that sounds nice, but it doesn't mesh with the piano at all). So that's four songs that kinda take the energy out of the listening experience. And the rest of the material isn't enough to compensate for them.

The closing "symphony" is kinda cool, but you know.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

How to get people (read: me) excited about your band reuniting:

1. Be somewhat good. That one is pretty evident. Although I guess the idea of some crappy boy band like O-Town reuniting so they can stave off homelessness would be interesting. As long as they would play up the "we're broke" part of the story.

2. Be of the age where you can somewhat remember your "golden years" with the band. Sorry Led Zeppelin, but reliving your younger days at age 60 isn't necessarily all that compelling. (Not that I'm huge into Led Zeppelin anyway.)

3. Find a way to play to as many people as possible. Cause if you're reuniting for one small gig in one city, how is anyone supposed to get excited if that's all you're going to do. Alternate to this: record your reunion gig, put it on DVD, CD, iTunes... whatever.

4. Reunite for a purpose other than making money. I mean, I know money is the only reason to reunite, but if you're gonna get together again, you might as well RECORD SOME NEW MATERIAL. Even if it's a song or two.

So yeah. Uhh, sorry Pavement. You're cool, I guess... but one gig in New York over a year from now really isn't something to get *too* excited about.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


OK. So I'm going to write again about Kanye. It's probably going to be overplayed in about... well, it's overplayed now, but it's such a silly story that I can't help but get wrapped up in it.

1. This is a pretty awesome site. I'm sure a lot of people are telling you this at the moment. But I wanted to be the 507th to tell you it.

2. Everyone who is upset with this whole ordeal needs to realize a few things. 1) There's a chance it was scripted, or at least set up between MTV/Kanye to generate interest. 2) This was... quite frankly, awesome. Not only was it a deliberate attempt by someone in the entertainment "biz" to further his transformation into a megalomaniac villain, but he picked the perfect target for this. Now, I'm sure this gal has a decently thick skin just for being in the entertainment business, but from what I've been reading online it seems as if the rest of the world thinks she's some delicate little virgin that needs our constant protection from the evil forces of the outside world. So of course everyone's going to villify Kanye.

In fact, I'm really hoping that he knows what he's doing, and everything is being set up for this ultimate scene in which he becomes the biggest villain of all time. Have him apologize now and such, but then... when everything is settling, rescind the apology and blame the whole fiasco on Swift and MTV and everyone else. Then have him accidentally drop a baby or something. Then have him make borderline racist comments against Asians or something. Then have him release a terrible Metallica covers record, and insist that his versions are the best.

The finale to this transformation into ultimate villain has to be something huge, though. I'm trying to think of something that would do justice to this, but I can't think of anything. The closest I'm coming to would be at next year's VMAs, where they do some gimmicked duet between West and Swift... then having West storm off the set and punch an MTV DJ... I'm not sure if that would be epic enough.

Now, the question becomes then who should play the Hero to Kanye's villain. The most obvious choice would be Swift herself, with the arc where, after this humiliating ordeal, she becomes a strong, independent woman... takes some karate classes or something... and then defeats the evil Kanye. However, I'm not convinced she could pull that off effectively (of course, the amount I know about her is limited to this one event, where she looked sort of flustered and not like a crime fighting machine).

Apparently Pink was very upset with Kanye at the show, which might lend her to being the superhero to save the day. However, Pink sucks. And usually, you want people to actually root for the hero instead of going for the villain. So she's out of the equation.

My choice? Barack Obama.

Apparently he called Kanye a jacka**, so he's already got the anger brewing inside of him. Plus, we're at a time in our history where we've never been more divided over every single issue you could think of, and Obama needs to do something, anything to get (blah blah standard "let's work together to achieve great things" crap). So what better way to get people united as one than to take on America's greatest villain at the moment (which is undoubtedly Kanye, for the record. No doubt whatsoever) and finally vanquish him, preventing him from ever interrupting our precious faux-country singers again?

You could even dress him up in a costume, and have him challenge Kanye from afar. That would lead to people speculating about the true identity of this caped crusader, all the while extolling this mystery man as a true American hero. This goes on for weeks, all building up to this climatic showdown. And then, that showdown comes, and this masked man defeats Kanye in a long, epic struggle to the death. And then, as this man is standing victorious... he unmasks, revealing the president of the United States. Realizing that Obama is a true American hero, and realizing that superheroes are naturally bada** and thus worthy of admiration, Republicans all across the country decide that HEY! Maybe this guy can get us out of our dark ages. So then everyone works together, America becomes superpowerful and takes over the entire world, and everyone lives happily ever after.

So basically, what I'm saying is that, quite possibly, our collective hatred for Kanye is going to unite us as a nation... and for that, we should be thanking him for possibly saving our future.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Well well well...

So I finally caved in and bought Beatles Rock Band. Not that I really *have* any money, but you know... means I'll be broke sooner rather than later, which would make for good television if my life were a serialized drama.

Few thoughts:

1) I don't really like "I Wanna Be Your Man." This is based on the fact that the guitar part for it is kinda boring.
2) Why didn't they include "Help!"? I mean, I don't want to complain too much, but it's not like "I'm Looking Through You" is going to be really wanted and desired
3) It's fun. But that's because I like the Beatles and everything. You'd probably hate it if you didn't like the Beatles. If you are indifferent to the Beatles, chances are you are going to be indifferent to this game. And that's my expert opinion.

I would say that I am pleased with my purchase and derived a lot of enjoyment out of it... however Patrick Swayze died, so everything was ruined and the entire nation of America had its worst day since June 25th (never forget. NEVER FORGET).

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Book this on Celebrity Deathmatch

Oh man. This is brilliant. So you have an awards show that no one outside the 12-18 year old demographic cares about, and you want to get people talking about said awards show. So what do you do to get people talking again? You give Kanye West free rein, allowing him to do something like interrupt the MOST SACRED PART OF THE AWARDS SHOW--the acceptance speech.

It's pretty great. One, because you can pretty much assume Kanye's thinking to himself "f*** it, I'm Kanye West and this gal [probably not the word he was thinking of] isn't worth s***." Which is totally awesome. Second, this is what should happen at all minor awards shows. If chaos reigned, and something happened like an awards presenter decided to give the award to whoever they felt like... well, you'd watch that, right?

There's probably going to be some press release tomorrow about how MTV "regrets the decision that West made in taking the stage and regrets the fact that actions were not made to prevent this incident," but really... I wouldn't be surprised if MTV was getting bored and then told Kanye to go out and do something out there. Cause controversy = cash, and MTV most assuredly knows this.

Still doesn't beat the Jarvis Cocker/Michael Jackson incident in the mid 90's in pure awesomeness. Unfortunately I can't find a video of said incident.

Let me just be on record...

That when next year arrives... the year 2010, in case you weren't paying attention, that I will not be calling it "twenty-ten".

Because "two thousand ten" has a much more pleasant ring to it. And I am not strapped enough for time that shedding the one syllable will make a huge difference to me. I can spare maybe the extra 6 minutes that saying "two thousand ten" will cost me over the year.

And if I hear anyone say "twenty-ten" (the dash is there to indicate that I have disdain for the phrase) next year, I will then launch myself into a 7 minute monologue about the general intricacies of nutritional information of cereal, promptly wasting all that precious time you would have saved otherwise and then some.

That'll show you.

Vikings blah blah blah.

I hate to write so much about football and everything, but this is an exciting time. The Vikings are starting their season and I am going to enjoy the crap out of whatever the heck happens. Pretty much they could go 3-13 and I would be more than elated. They could win the Super Bowl and obviously I'd be thrilled... as long as Brett Favre is injured or something.

So I'm going to be chiming in with updates probably the entire duration of the game. The Vikings are playing the Browns, and general consensus is that they are going to win. I'd probably agree with that... although it's going to be pretty close. Probably will jump out to a quick and large lead while the Browns chip away at the lead before Peterson seals the game in the last drive. Or something like that. That's my conservative opinion. My real opinion is that Favre will throw some short stuff early, maybe one that will go for a long touchdown... and then Favre will throw a few interceptions to allow the Browns to tie up, before it is realized that it might be better to keep the ball out of his hands. My out there opinion is that Favre gets out there, strips naked, and throws six interceptions... just cause he can.

I'd be OK with any scenario, honestly.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Hooray Gophers or something

So my alma mater needed a new stadium for about 20 years. For years and years, they were in the Metrodome, which I always sort of have had a fondness for... but not for college football. And finally, after ALL THESE YEARS, they finally get a stadium approved, ready for its grand opening in 2009.

Just about right after I graduate.

Am I bitter about it? A little. I mean, there's really nothing one could do about it... it was scheduled to finish after I graduate, and that was that. But the problem is, tuition kept rising and rising the entire time I was at school, primarily to pay for the construction fees. So how did all that money that partially caused me to take out a couple loans benefit me? Well, it won't.

I'm sure there are ways for me to get discounted tickets or something, but it wouldn't be the same. Cause, you know... now I'm near broke and needing money, and lacking that disposable income I might have had last year.

Also, it kinda pisses me off the stadium is named after a bank. I mean, it shouldn't piss me off because corporate sponsorships are the norm in the pros and most likely will be the case in college sports soon as well, but still.

Anyway, the game is going to start soon, which I'll be watching... hoping that they win and all that good stuff. I might chime in later with some stuff, but since even I probably won't care much about what I'd have to say about the game, I'll probably neglect that stuff in favor of speculation of how stupid everyone will be.

And most likely, there'll be a LOT of stupidity.

*thumbs up*

I've been a terrible moviegoer this year. Haven't seen Inglourious Basterds. Haven't seen District 9. Haven't seen pretty much any acclaimed summer movie aside from Up. I have an excuse for this (i.e. I HAVE LITTLE MONEY), but it still leaves me feeling out of the loop. The ways to solve my dilemma are basically 1) Find a way to get paid to see what's out (not going to happen anytime soon), and 2) Wait until they come out on DVD (I'm a really impatient person in these manners).

The other option is to of course, spend money and see what I want to see. And I'm still yet to be convinced I want to spend my money on Basterds (although I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy it) or anything else. However, you can rest assured that I am going to spend money on A Serious Man... which looked awesome and apparently *is* awesome.

It played at the Toronto Film Festival yesterday, and people who are more fortunate than I am saw it, and liked it. And because these articles make me happy, I am going to link them to you, right here, right now.

Of course, all of this stuff probably isn't making you as elated as it is making me. But there's a solution to this. First, pretend that you are me and liked Barton Fink and even The Hudsucker Proxy and crap. Second, pretend to be excited. Now you sorta know how I'm feeling at the moment.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Things that suck/things that are cool

Does anyone want to be my official post titler? Cause most of the titles I think of pretty much make me cry at night. It would be completely and totally benefit free, and you'd probably have to think of the titles before I even write anything, but still. If you're bored...

Things that suck:
Madden 10. Still. Except now, it's because I lost to my brother in a completely bogus game in which everything went wrong for me.

See, I'm a very competitive person. I'm more competitive when I think I am better than the person I am competing against. I'm even more competitive when I determine that everything is going wrong for me.

I'm not going to indulge in any details of the game... but uhh, let's just say that I threw a pillow at the room, intending to hit a chair, and ended up almost breaking a lamp and the PS3.

So basically, don't challenge me to anything. Cause it is bad news for everyone. Another good example of this: hearts, back when I was losing every game in April-May.

Things that are cool:
So I just saw the cover of Weezer's upcoming release... I'll post it here, because photos are cool and everything.

Not as classic as their Red Album cover (which is either a great, ridiculous parody of the Blue Album cover... or a ridiculous example of douchebaggery. Or both. I don't know. But definitely ridiculous), but it's still pretty awesome.

I feel weird for writing more about Weezer than other bands and such, but I don't know. They intrigue me, pretty much because I think they're doing what they want to do instead of merely pandering to the vocal hipster crowd. Unfortunately, the music they're making really isn't all that good, but still. I applaud them.

Thoughts on movies I've seen recently: (how's that for a straightforward title?)

-Now, I haven't see a lot of World War II movies in my life. Saving Private Ryan is pretty much the only one I can think of at the moment, although I know there's more. Oh, I guess Schindler's List would count as one... does it count as one? It took place during World War II, at least. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that while most people are sick of WWII films, I've really never been interested in them. I am assuming that it is because of one of two reasons:

1) The Nazis probably never win in the end. Sure, this isn't something that I should REALLY complain about, since... you know, Nazis are the root of all evil or something like that, but I'd like to see a historically accurate depiction of World War II, leading up to their ultimate surrender... and then SWERVE EVERYONE and have Nazi Germany win and take over the world. Admit it, it'd be kind of cool to see. Unfortunately, I do not know if any such ending to a WWII exists (or would ever exist),

2) Pop culture has always portrayed the Nazis as the epitome of uncompromising evil. And obviously, they did a whole crap load of bad... but I'd hesitate to call any human "evil." Completely, terribly misguided, sure. Also I really dislike 2D characterizations of the bad guys.

So I liked this movie, mainly because a lot of the characters weren't really evil, but just apes*** crazy. It actually makes them scarier, because they aren't just some bad people who know what they are doing is bad... but rather they believe that they are completely in the right, that all these people deserve death, etc. etc. In the case of Hitler, you see glimpses of an idea that he realizes he may have gone wrong somewhere, but due to stubbornness refuses to admit defeat or guilt in any sort of way.

What gives the film its extra punch is the Goebbels family, especially the mother. I mean, she may come off as cold and evil, but really... no mother would kill six of her children without being severely misguided. In this case, she thinks that they have no future thanks to the regime crumbling.

One of the problems was that there were a LOT of characters, and I couldn't keep track of all their roles and their names, probably because I'm not completely familiar with the Nazi hierarchy. Could have had a little more clarity, but whatever.

So my main impression was that it was like Braveheart, except considerably less lame. You know, both are long epics that spends considerable time questioning what it means to be "free", both equate the willingness to fight for what you believe in to masculinity... except Spartacus was directed by Stanley f'n Kubrick, and Mel Gibson thinks the concept of freedom so exciting that he litters the film with like 6000 literal and annoying dialogues about how great it is.

You know how both have these characters with homosexual tendencies to further illustrate the masculinity of the hero? Well, in Spartacus, the scene is awesome, where Laurence Olivier is getting washed by his servant and gets into a discussion about how he likes "both snails and oysters." It's at the same time subtle and yet totally not. On the flip side... you have Braveheart, where the homosexual couple is ineffectual and basically just as comedic characters... and it kind of pisses me off.

Basically, I think the main reason why I liked this movie is because it reminded me how much Braveheart sucked.

To Kill A Mockingbird
Gregory Peck's performance (especially his work in the courtroom scenes) carried this. Otherwise... eh. I'm not a fan when the melodrama is lathered on a little too liberally. And again... 2D representations of good and bad really aren't that interesting.

I've also never read the book. Does that make me a bad person? Just a question... I already know that I'm pretty much the worst English major to ever exist, but maybe I'm even worse than that.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Never go back to college:

You'll pretty much hate it.

I'd like to say that a lot has changed to the campus since I left the U this past summer, but that's probably a lie, since not much can change over a few months. But there have been a few key changes:

1) I no longer go to school there.
2) New class of freshmen.

The first one is pretty key, as I'm pretty sure I was the main person holding that university together, and since I've left, it's lost a lot of its luster. The second one also factors in, as I am a subscriber of the belief that we as a collective race are getting more and more stupid... and freshmen usually provide a new kind of stupid.

But yeah. I was feeling kind of sentimental for a bit there for the "simpler times" of college (you know... back when I wasn't broke and was merely looking forward to a future with no money, instead of actively living it), but then I met a friend on campus for lunch, right at the exact moment where there were PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. And then I hated everything.

Perhaps it's just because the semester is new and people are slow to spread their wings away from the student union (which I'm sure was presented as the epicenter for everything to all the incoming freshmen), but still. It's never been that busy... or at least I can't remember it being that busy. And I'm usually not a huge fan of throngs of people.

Or maybe I'm just getting old.

Maybe I just can't handle the young, busy teenage folk like I was once able to.


Well crap.

People freak out over Kurt Cobain and I want to punch something.


Double shabam.

I just want to say something.




So I haven't played the game, but couldn't Johnny Cash get involved in the same hijinks as well? Why isn't there the same outcry? Also, can we be sure that John Lennon would want people playing as him in video game? Maybe he would find the fact that millions will be pretending to be him to be an unsettling form of hero worship, no matter how respectful the game might be. Why aren't we respecting the dead, for cripes sake?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Random things.

-This is a great headline. On the ESPN.com front page, it says somewhere in the middle of the headlines "Favre 'may not' be up for all 16 Vikings games.' It was a fantastic way to get my attention. Suddenly I was filled with so much hope that the headline would then lead to an article about how Favre might consider retiring during the middle of the season, then decide to come back a few games later. Which would probably make the season, for the record.

Unfortunately when you actually click on the link the story within is about how Favre might not be durable enough to play all the games. Which isn't as cool.

But still. This is going to be a fun season for the Vikings. Seriously, win or lose, I can't imagine not feeling somewhat OK. Cause if the Vikings win... well, the Vikings win. But if they lose, I can spend all my time complaining about how Tarvaris Jackson would be a better fit than Brett Favre.

And this will be the only season ever in which I could possibly make that claim.


Bam. Teaser trailer for something that apparently is building good steam towards the Oscar season. It has a nice rainy-day feel to it.

1) I saw the book at a garage sale today. I was like "hey! That book is about to come out as a film and everything! Maybe I should get it!" But then I realized I probably wouldn't read it, and if I bought it, didn't read it, and then went to go see the movie, the book would probably torment and ridicule me for being a lazy ADD jack*** who can't be bothered with reading. Although if I didn't buy it, it'd be resulting in the same outcome (not reading the book), so maybe my guilt would be that I'd be needlessly spending money.

2) Didn't really care for Thank You For Smoking. Enjoyed what he did with Juno (although like many decent human beings, was annoyed somewhat with the script). So it's great that people are getting behind a dude with a long career ahead of him, but I'm not completely convinced he's the second coming of *insert whatever here*

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Things learned in the past 24 or so hours:

-If it is Labor Day, and you know that the bus schedule will be different as a result, you should probably check the schedule before work so you don't get to the bus stop at 11-ish only to find out that the last bus of the night has already left.

-Sometimes, though... you get bailed out, and a little thing called the State Fair prompts a few extra buses to run later. This will make you feel better when, faced with a long trip ahead (either by walking for hours or taking a convoluted bus route), you decline multiple taxis trying to acquire your business.

-It doesn't really suck all that much to work on Labor Day when the the majority of your previous 100 days has been spent not working.

-Luigi's Mansion is still a fun game. Sure, it's not the greatest, but the whole "be a Ghostbuster" concept is still kinda cool and refreshing after hours spent beating up enemies with guns or fists or whatever your weapon of choice may be. A Vacuum is a decidedly underrated weapon, if I may say so.

-Usually, where I'm at, school starts back up the day after Labor Day. I thought it was going to be a really weird feeling not having any classes to go to today, but it really doesn't feel that way. Maybe in a month or two it will hit me after being away for a little longer, but for now it feels... nice.

That also might be because I was terribly exhausted last night so the thought of doing something like staying awake for class not so terribly enticing.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


I just saw this Beatles list from EW. I felt like I should have seen this two days ago, but you know. Sometimes I am busy sitting around... doing nothing.

It's pretty bad, for the record. I mean, the list of the 50 "best" is OK... as big of a mixed bag as you could expect (good=Tomorrow Never Knows, Strawberry Fields, Across The Universe high. bad=Here Comes The Sun, I Am The Walrus low), but there's still a few nuggets of overwhelming stupidity.

First, Stereogum posted the write-up of why A Hard Day's Night is their best, and it goes something like this: Forty-five years after this single hit the top of the charts yada yada blah blah etc. etc. chased by a mob of screaming, ravenous fans. This isn't just a pop song, it's a cathartic cry for Help!

One, the song really isn't a cry for help. Two, a more cathartic cry for help is this song called Help! It's actually better than A Hard Day's Night. So maybe it isn't the best idea to use another song to justify why this song deserves the top spot (their reasoning is pretty much purely historical... which is stupid, by the way).

Also, the list of worst songs is topped by All You Need Is Love, which appeared on the best list at the opening number of 50. Which means that they picked the song just to be controversial. Which, again, is stupid. Had the song appeared on the best list somewhere like at 38, for example... then I could buy people arguing for and against its merits to justify its inclusion on both lists. But no. The had to be cute and everything.

For the record, the worst five are as follows: 1) Hello Goodbye, 2) The Long And Winding Road 3) Honey Pie, 4) Here, There And Everywhere, 5) She's Leaving Home. There's a trend, if you can notice it... and the trend is that Paul McCartney kind of sucks.

Hell. I'll do a top 50 list right now. 1) Tomorrow Never Knows, 2) I Am The Walrus, 3) Strawberry Fields Forever, 4) Across The Universe, 5) Here Comes The Sun, 6) Help!, 7) I Saw Her Standing There, 8) In My Life, 9) Dear Prudence, 10) Nowhere Man, 11) All My Loving, 12) Eleanor Rigby, 13) I've Just Seen A Face, 14) I Feel Fine, 15) A Hard Day's Night, 16) Day Tripper, 17) A Day In The Life, 18) Norwegian Wood, 19) You Won't See Me, 20) Mother Nature's Son, 21) Sexy Sadie, 22) You Never Give Me Your Money, 23) Dig It, 24) Love You To, 25) Yellow Submarine, 26) The Word, 27) Penny Lane, 28) Something, 29) Hey Jude (would actually be higher now that I think about it), 30) I'll Follow The Sun, 31) If I Needed Someone, 32) You've Got To Hide Your Love Away, 33) I Should Have Known Better, 34) I Want To Hold Your Hand, 35) Taxman, 36) Cry Baby Cry, 37) Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey, 38) Yesterday, 39) All You Need Is Love, 40) And I Love Her, 41) While My Guitar Gently Weeps, 42) Drive My Car, 43) Lady Madonna, 44) For No One, 45-47) Golden Slumbers/Carry That Weight/The End, 48) With A Little Help From My Friends, 49) It Won't Be Long, 50) Paperback Writer.

There. I made that list in about 10-15 minutes. Probably about the same amount of time that EW took to make theirs, I'd say (and they probably have someone who can type faster than I am).

Also, I'll stop writing about the Beatles once their current resurgence dies down. Which should be... about a week after the game comes out.

Also, I was going to write that in my label portion, but apparently Blogger only likes moderately wordy labels instead of monstrously wordy ones.

Also, italics is turned on for some reason and I am making the executive decision to not change it back for now.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Dear Prudence on that Beatles Rock Band thingamajig

This is how I always imagined the visual to this song being. The Beatles simply playing in a nice, expansive field, seeming to be happy out in the sunshine and what not.

This is what I imagined. This is what is appropriate. What is not appropriate? The song being set to someone named Prudence being coaxed to come out of the closet, literally and figuratively.
And adding to a two hour experience that I'll never get back.

Damn you, Across The Universe. *shakes fist*

Tips on how to run an effective garage sale:

So it's kinda late on this, as there probably won't be many garage sales as the weather gets cooler, but I'm writing this while it's still fresh (meaning, I went out looking at garage sales today and decided to whine about it). So what you can do to maximize this post's effectiveness is print it out, then put it in your "For April" folder. If you have a "For April" folder. I don't. But I imagine that someone in the world might.

1. If you advertise a garage sale and expect people to buy stuff from you, you should not have approximately 10 items that are not holiday related. Because we all have a bunch of Christmas crap and we most likely won't want yours.

2. For the record, if you have pretty much a measly two small tables of stuff that you're actually selling... your sale kind of sucks.

3. If you advertise a garage sale as starting at a specific time, say 10 AM... you should not still be setting up your displays at 10:30 AM.

4. If you do actually have some cool stuff that might be worth buying (like, say... a Mario bobblehead) and you don't want to drive away business, then DON'T BE A HUGE ASS.


Thursday, September 3, 2009

Holy balls...

I am tired.

So I started officially working at a large chain movie store today, which is cool and everything, since it's a job and I won't be broke and such.

But it's tiring. Which isn't the greatest thing in the world, but you know.

I'm sort of writing just cause I have a nice thing going where I'm updating around once a day, but hey! One of the cool perks? Apparently, I can have about 5 movies a week? Which seems almost excessive... I always went to the library to get DVDs and wound up with 7-8, and then struggled to watch them all.

Another problem, as I found out tonight: I have no idea what to get.

Considering my limited knowledge of the store's selection, I don't know what's there and what's good. I feel like I should take advantage of the "crapload of new releases" and such, but there's nothing out on DVD that I really want to see. Doesn't that suck?

So uhh... this is my list, after browsing the entire store today:
Kill Bill Vol. 1
Kill Bill Vol. 2

So... uhh. I need suggestions. I'll probably ask a lot of people what they think I should watch, and then put it on the list... and then get it. Which means that I'm going to be watching Never Back Down and Fighting and stuff.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Unfortunately, the Boondock Saints sequel seems to REALLY exist

Quick factoid: The Boondock Saints is my least favorite movie of all time. I don't want to get into it too much, but it's morally bankrupt yet college kids eat it up because it's "cool" and crap like that (even though it isn't "cool"... the soundtrack is among the worst I've heard, all the action scenes are convoluted and stupid as hell, some of the acting is beyond terrible, and it's not even funny... although that might just be me, since it seems like I'm the only one that doesn't think that a mediocre quip doesn't become godlike once someone with an accent says it).

So it gave me great displeasure to see the trailer for the sequel today.

I knew I shouldn't have clicked the link, but I couldn't help it.

It's sort of scouting out your enemy for battle, you know? I needed to see this just to witness this ungodly beast's current incarnation. Looks like it's still stupid.

Oh, and there's apparently nudity as well. Which means that the "Saints" will probably both get it on with the gal in the trailer at separate points. Cause, you know... servants of God bang hot chicks all the time.

I try not to get too worked up about movies and stuff that I don't like and everything, but it really does bother me that a film that advocates an eye for an eye while pretending to do so in the name of God (you know, totally ignoring that "turning the other cheek" stuff) gets totally ignored by the majority of the film's fanbase just because "it's just a movie" or something. It's just that the film definitely tries to make the case for vigilantism, except that it's terribly, terribly wrong. Seriously. It's like the dude watched Taxi Driver, thought "hey, that's cool... he killed those pimps all to save that little girl." Except he missed that the entire point was that Bickle was a sociopath and could've just as easily assassinated the presidential candidate.

I'm not going to link to the trailer. That might break my soul.

I just want you all to know that this trailer... this film... it exists out there.

And I am going to hurt because of it.

Cobain sings Bon Jovi (among other things)

Oh man. I want Guitar Hero 5 now.

I know a few guys who worship Cobain at the altar, and I would love to see what their reaction is to this. Cause really, Cobain needs to be taken down a few notches. Sure, he was immensely popular and everything, and it sucks that he died and everything. BUT. He's not the legend where he's above being forced to sing Bon Jovi and Stevie Wonder on a video game. And if Kids Bop ever decides to release a Nirvana album, he wouldn't be above that either. Which would absolutely hilarious, for the record, just to see all the ultra serious Nirvana fans contemplate murderous rampages.