I can't sleep at the moment. And for some reason the TV is on. It is on VH1 Classic, playing old videos of crap.
I have decided to take advantage of my insomnia, and will cover the 6AM-7AM VH1 Classic music video rotation for you. Because without me, the world's most foremost 6AM VH1 Classic reporter, you would never know what you were missing.
Unfortunately it just went to commercial, and the last music video that played was something that I did not pay attention to, since I had to write the above paragraphs. As the world's most foremost 6AM VH1 Classic reporter, I sometimes find myself so dedicated to my commitment in recording everything I observe... that I forget to observe. Also I am starting late. It's 6:15. I decided to start doing this at like 6:09.
Some great Poractiv commercials, though.
6:18: Guns N Roses-Welcome To The Jungle: OK, so this one is a classic GNR song... although everything after the intro is kinda a let down, in my opinion. Also, I am assuming that at least 4 of the members of the group regret their hairstyles from this period. Man, the 80's was a bad decade.
6:23: Aerosmith-Rag Doll(?): I didn't catch the title. I was too distracted by the drum the dude in the beginning was beating. Also I was distracted by suck. I mean, Aerosmith sucks all the time anyway, but this is just annoying in almost every single way. I don't know. I've always identified it as the "annoying bad Aerosmith song." Which *could* describe all of their songs, but I know what I'm talking about. There are requisite shots of girls dancing, crowds loving Aerosmith and waving their arms, Steven Tyler wasting valuable air... all that stuff.
6:27: Blue Oyster Cult-Burnin' For You: Alright. This isn't bad. The video isn't really all that great, though. The lead singer looks like your 50 year old dad dressing up for Halloween with crap he found for a dollar at a thrift store. And there's a narrative of some guy and girl doing stuff... and they kind of look like dorks. Is that because they represent their audience? I don't know.
6:32: Beatles: Rock Band commercial. Coler me excited-if-I-had-any-money.
6:36: Clash-Rock The Casbah: Oh hey. Four songs in a row that I at least recognized. So anyway, the chorus is catchy and everything, but nothing else in the song does anything for me, which is kind of the story between me and The Clash. So yeah. Joe Strummer might not be a god, but he does rock a nice yellow shirt/forest green pants combination. Everyone else looks like douchebags in their military garb, though.
6:40: J. Giels Band-Come Back: I know nothing about this band. However, they have a harmonica player rocking out in the background, despite the fact that the song may or may not have any harmonica. The song has an annoying synth and some annoying back-up vocals during the chorus. Seriously. A guy is playing harmonica on a song with no harmonica. If you had nothing for him to do, you could have at least given him a tambourine...
6:44: Beatles-I Saw Her Standing There: Oh HEY! I'm assuming they're playing a lot of Beatles, because they're playing that Rock Band commercial a lot and showing a "Beatles Rock Band" graphic intermittently in the corner. This is OK with me, though. I think this is from Ed Sullivan. Sort of lacks a bit of that bite that the studio version has, but it's still one of the Beatles' best songs period.
6:47: Commercials and such.
6:51: Sonny & Cher-I Got You Babe: Ahh yes. The hard-hitting classic rock hour continues with this sick jam. It's a performance on their show or something. Headbanging ensues.
6:54: Heart-Alone: OK, this sounds like a TERRIBLE 80's power ballad. Yep. And it's got the usual 80's macho guitar posturing and such... except that some of the guitarists are female. Also includes the audience that's probably too exuberant about getting paid to stand and cheer. Lot of close ups of the two females... because they're chicks and that's gonna win the 14 year olds over.
6:58: NEWFLASH: KISS is touring for their Alive 35 tour thing. I'm really trying to think of something witty about how they're old and crap. It's really hard, because the "old rock star" jokes are beyond cliche at this point. But as the world's most foremost 6AM-7AM VH1 Classic reporter, I am trying to think of something. Just so you know my plight.
7:00 is Madonna's Like A Prayer, but I'm not supposed to cover the 7 AM hour, so screw it.
I'm going to try to go to bed again. Now you know what you missed by sleeping.
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