So I was in the ER this afternoon.
My intention was to go to an urgent care, but it was decided that I should get something checked out while out and about. And... through the lack of internet and its ability to tell us of our nearest urgent care, and getting some faulty information... we ended up in an ER instead.
(I'm theoretically OK, for the record. I've had issues with pains in my chest area before, and each time it wasn't heart related. But this time I was having on-and-off chest pains combined with heartburn and tingling/numbness on my left side, specifically in my left arm. And Google searches cited those as possible symptoms for heart attacks and strokes, so... probably a decent idea to check, even if you're reasonably sure it's not going to be that severe.)
They hooked me up to this monitor thing that kept track of my pulse and everything, which they said would allow them to track how I was doing outside the room. Sounded good, I suppose. The only problem is that every so often the monitor was making noises. Loud noises. Loud, "quick, something is going terribly wrong" noises.
I'm gonna try and duplicate it the best that I can. They went something like this.
And then it would stop. And start 30 seconds/1 minute/7 minutes later, varying in length each time.
I could figure out what it was beeping for. It was for the number that was right below my pulse, and it started beeping once it went over 2.0. But I couldn't figure out what that number was for, or why it was beeping. I assumed it had something to do with my pulse, but I couldn't be sure how... all I knew is that it kept beeping loudly. And that must have meant that I was in some form of danger.
Minutes have passed by, and not a single nurse or doctor has come to check on me/help with whatever's causing that incessant beep. I could theoretically call them and ask them to help me with the use of my bedside remote, but I can hear an echoing beep coming from outside the room as well, so they can obviously hear it as well. Which means that either the beeping has no real significance... or they are deliberately ignoring it. And I'm dying, I don't know why, and I have bunch of doctors who would rather watch me slowly die. So basically, it's probably the latter.
If this were a movie, and I suddenly came to this realization... I'd probably rip everything they had hooked to my body, storm out of the room and start kicking some doctor ass. In real life, though... I was pretty powerless. So I just gave the monitor the good old middle finger whenever it started beeping again. It was a little cathartic.
Eventually I was seen to, and it was decided that nothing was seriously wrong. And I asked what the beeping was for--and was told it wasn't important. Which I guess I could have figured... but they didn't tell me why it was beeping in the first place.
Which probably means that I'm still secretly dying, and the doctors (or maybe a secret organization in cahoots with the doctors) don't want me to know.