For reasons unbeknownst to me, I'm really looking forward to the NFL season starting up. Usually this is because the Vikings look promising. This is not the case. The Vikings are going to go 6-10.

So I don't really know why I'm looking forward to the season (might have to do with the NFL dangling the idea of no season in front of us to make us want it even more...), but I decided that I would do a season preview. And since it's about 10 days away from the first game, I figure I can do it now.

My methods in determining how the NFL season will play out were like this:

1. Go to internet.
2. Look for Tecmo Super Bowl mods with updated rosters.
3. Illegally download it.
4. Simulate entire season.

And that is what I did. And of course, a football video game is probably as good of a predictor as anything else, so take this as gospel.

IN THE AFC:
Quite a surprising result. I mean, you had your usual suspects all making the playoffs (Jets, Steelers, Chiefs, and Colts all repeat playoff teams from last year), but the other two playoff slots were two out of nowhere teams. First, the Cleveland Browns, behind a Peyton Hillis that put up 2000 yards rushing, tied with the Colts and the next team with the best record at 12-4. Also, the Jacksonville Jaguars jumped out to a 7-0 start, and then battled tooth and nail with the Colts for the division... only to lose out on account of tiebreakers.

Also, the Patriots went 6-10 this year, and finished behind the likes of the Raiders and Dolphins. Which could mean that their reign atop the AFC standings after a decade is pretty much over, that Tom Brady is over the hill and needs to retire immediately, that Bill Belichick didn't cheat nearly enough... or that the person putting together this mod hates the Patriots.

IN THE NFC:
Well, considering the fact that just about everyone is picking the Eagles to win it all this year (except those who aren't picking the Eagles because everyone else is picking them... but really, they're also expecting the Eagles to win), it's fitting that the Eagles turn in the best regular season since the Pats going 16-0, as Philly puts up a 15-1 record. And somehow in the process, Michael Vick turned from mediocre QB to throwing 45 TDs and only 8 interceptions. Which seems unlikely, but still. I simulated a Tecmo season last year and it had a Green Bay team barely sneak into the playoffs only to win it all... so obviously it wouldn't lie.

(Oh God. Oh God oh God...)

Umm... the Packers also did good. 12-4. Second best. Umm... the Saints, Seahawks, and Bears also repeated as playoff teams this year as well, with the Seahawks in another bloody battle for the NFC West crown with the St. Louis Rams, who ended up making the playoffs as a wild card. Unfortunately, their records were just a mediocre 9-7, instead of the battle of the 7-9 behemoths we got last year.

The Vikings tried. They were in the playoffs for a split second. But they finish 7-9, and promptly move to LA.

Other notes:
-Tamba Hali set the record for most sacks in a season with 37, which bests Michael Strahan's previous best of 22.5. It probably can't best my record of 108 in a season of this game, but you know... it's different.
-An NFL first, as no punts or kicks were returned for TDs this year. Which is probably because they moved the kickoffs to the 35 to limit the amount of kicks returned. No real explanation for the fact that no punts were returned for TDs... except maybe that special teams' spirits were weakened by the rule change... and everyone just stopped trying.

Playoffs:
In the wild card round, home field advantage holds in most cases, as the Jets beat the Jaguars, the Saints beat the Bears, and the Chiefs beat the Steelers. But the Seahawks and the Rams engage in round three, with the road Rams coming away with a 28-27 victory.

The divisional round, the surprising Browns take out the Jets, and the Colts beat the Chiefs on the AFC side. The Packers unfortunately beat the Saints rather handily, which sets up a showdown with the 15-1 Eag...

Wait no. The f-ing 9-7 Rams beat the 15-1 Eagles 28-17. Which means one of two things: 1) the 2011 Rams are channeling the spirit of the 1979 Rams, the 9-7 squad that somehow squeaked into Super Bowl XIV (only to lose to the Steelers), or 2) the game was rigged in order to make it easier for the Packers.

In the conference championships, the Browns beat out the Colts 13-0, while the cheating Packers sneak sedatives into the Rams' Gatorade, which allows the Packers to win 37-24. I'm assuming they also paid off the Colts to let the Browns win, because there's no way the Browns have a shot at winning the Super Bowl, right?

Right?

...

Right.

Packers win 35-24.

Damnit.

So basically, Tecmo Super Bowl has decreed the Packers as repeat champions, and has single handedly crushed my enthusiasm for the upcoming season. Which is just great. I love it. Now I take up sewing or something instead of watching the entire state of Wisconsin receive another championship trophy. Super. By the way, they beat Cleveland, which might be the only city that bests the Twin Cities in sports misery. So that just makes it even worse...

Wait...

Hold on.

I'm simulating another season to get a result that I like...

Chiefs over Rams. Show-Me State showdown. I can live with that.

So just ignore everything I wrote here.